Unspeakable feeling

Untitled Part 1

Have you ever felt so comfortable whilst in the presence of someone specific? You felt calm. Nothing around you mattered. Somehow, your crippling anxiety was at ease. You'd feel like you were a different person, on a different planet. You felt numb but in a good way. You were neither happy nor sad, but complete. The light, non-intimate touches. The accidental way your shoulders were pressed up against one another the entire time whilst sitting next to each other, the hand brushes when you handed something over. Looking back and reminiscing, it all feels like a fever dream. You never knew what it was. Could it have been a platonic type of love? Did you really have feelings for them? You never truly knew, and you never will.

You long for the indescribable comfort you once had. Yet, you've never found it with anyone else. You've sat next to, you've stood near, and been in the presence of hundreds of other people, yet not a single one of those hundreds gave away a type of warmth that provided you with security.

You've been inside hundreds of different rooms, you've witnessed hundreds of people walk in and out, yet not a single one of those hundred made your heart race.

You dream about their face. You try to remember the way their sweet laugh sounded. The way their deep dimples looked when they smiled, the way their forehead crinkled when they yawned. You remember moments when they couldn't hold eye contact without smiling. The way they gave you their complete undivided attention when you spoke. The way they stood facing towards you, trying to close as much space as possible when showing you something on their phone.

You remember how peaceful they were. How, no matter what, they always remained gentle. You remember getting mad at them once and distancing yourself. Except this didn't last long, because they tried to talk it out as quickly as possible. You miss it all.

So now you're sitting here thinking about it, and them. You're wondering if you'll ever experience just a sliver of it all once more. Except the reality of it... is that you won't.