Futures Cafe

One

It was roughly about 10 years ago when his words echoed into the darkness of the night.

"you're too much for me"

Though he was only talking about himself, all I could hear was that I was too much for not only him, but also everyone else.

I was too much. I was too intense.

But it's funny that he said I was too much because I didn't think I was enough.

I didn't think I was worthy enough to deserve a romantic kind of love and it explains why that every time I got the chance at it, I would treat it as if it was my last in fear I wouldn't get that kind of opportunity again.

I was afraid.

And though they begged me to stop searching I couldn't help it. What if I stopped searching and no one came? What if I was meant to be left all alone for eternity?

But at the time then, at the age of 18, never did I ever think I would cross paths with him again. It was Monday morning and I was making my way to Starbucks as I usually did right before work. There was something in the air that was making me feel strange. Even as I had gotten out of bed that morning, my stomach churned. This was usually my body's way of telling me that something was going to happen and I didn't believe it until I saw him across the street. There he was in a navy suit with a silk shirt tucked neatly into his pants.

I felt my stomach churn again. No. This couldn't be happening. I started to pick up my pace and walk faster and I was almost by my school when I heard someone behind me calling out my name.

"Monica!" he yelled from across the street. His voice still sounded the same. All warm and deep just like it was when we were young. He had seen me and because I knew it would have been rude for me to walk away -- I stopped. I watched him as he walked across the street to greet me. I tried to look away, but I couldn't. I soon found myself lost in his hazel eyes. They still had the same shimmer of mischief and charm as they did when we were 18. A wide smile beamed across his face as he pulled me in for an awkward hug.

"God, how long has it been? I never thought I would see you again" he said

I snorted and laughed bitterly, "Yes, Jacob, it has been quite a long time". It was so very clear that I still was not over the fight we had when we were younger. I couldn't stand him. I couldn't stand that smug smile he had across his face.

He looked directly at her and firmly said, "Why are you being so rude to me? This is the first time we've seen each other in years"

"Because when you left me, it sucked and your reason wasn't a reason, it was an excuse. I was a loose end and you cut me loose"

"But Monica, that was ten years ago—"

" I don't care. You're not allowed to walk back into my life just like that"