It took awhile for Austin to calm down. He didn't tell me what was wrong at all and kept changing the subject. He told me whenever he was worked up and upset he would paint. He was used to not having someone to calm him down so he stopped depending on people.
"You have a lot of friends.why are they all here now?"
"They're my roommates. I'm only friends with one of them his name is Zion. I don't want to talk to the others." Austin sighed.
"I understand that. I like to keep my space small. I've only ever made three friends before."
"Only three?"
I nodded. "One was my friend from when I was little I don't remember becoming her friend. The second was a guy who wouldn't leave me alone in highschool but it was okay because I fell in love with him. Then there's you."
"You fell in love? That sounds sweet." Austin smiled before looking at the floor. "Do you want to spend the night?" He added shyly
"Is that what friends do?" I plundered thinking. I've only spent the night with jack because I love him. I didn't love Austin.
"if you do I can teach you more things about what friends do since you're so confused on it."
"Deal." I smiled.
-
You didn't come home last night I was worried about you zach." Jack said the moment I stepped inside. "I called you a lot and you didn't respond."
"Oh. I was with a friend it's rude to use your phone..I think." I contemplated it atleast I thought you weren't allowed on your phone when friends were around. So I decided to put it away last night. I haven't been away at night since we moved in together I didn't think he would mind staying home alone for a night. After all if he was lonley he always had corbyn.
"You can't just fucking do that. I was so worried and you're acting like it was nothing." jack whined putting his head in his hands. I didn't understand why he was becoming emotional. I approached him where he sat at the table. He seemed to be crying in his hands.
why did he do that? Why does he cry?
"What's wrong with you?" I asked realizing it might've come out harsh. It made his quiet crys turn a little louder. I could hear him muttering words I wasn't sure if they were for me.
"You never understand Zach. You never do." He muttered loud enough for me to hear before he stood up wiping his face. "I'm going to my room."
"I'm sorry jack please don't be angry with me." All I wanted was to make jack happy but I seemed to make him cry a lot. He knew I hated crying. I hated it so much
yet he did it now and I even tried to not comment on it but maybe I should remind him. "Boys don't cry jack."
"God zach you want me to hate you sometimes!" He yelled before leaving to his room slamming the door.
Maybe I should've just said that I'm sorry.
I sighed quietly breathing in slowly. I knew he wanted me to come in and apologize it was cliché. It also just wasn't like me. It's either I smoke and give him his space or suffocate him for the sake of him living some sort of fantasy.
he was damn lucky I liked him.
I opened the door to see him laying on his bed face in his pillow. He must've been screaming into it. That's what he did a lot latley. I walked around his bed and lay beside him on my back. he lifted his head looking at me.
sometimes I feel like we have lost our spark. Jack used to love me no matter how much I messed up but now he got angry and disappointed in me. He must've fallen even further out of love with me. I wanted to remind him I would give him the world if it meant I could be with him. But I already tried to take my life once before he didn't like it.
"I l..love you." I only wanted to tell him that in times of need and I think it was appropriate then because he looked at me and lay his head on my chest. "You just.. need to ask if you're confused. You're allowed to have friends and do what you like but you forget that I care sometimes. I want to know where you are because I love you. "
"I know you love me. I won't do it again just please don't be angry.."I muttered feeing defeated. I hated he could make me feel this way.
Emotional even when I was on my medication.
He looked at me with shock his eyes widened. "Angry? Is that why you've been acting this way? Zach I'm never angry at you."He said sitting up.
he pulled me close to hug me. I felt like the hug was more to comfort himself than me but that was okay.
because I didn't believe him I knew he was always disappointed or angry at me. It's because im me and I always make mistakes.
______________________
No seriously why are you guys getting so emotional? You guys keep commenting that like the chapters are so sad
Are they really ???????
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
