Kill me

I Think You Knew

I couldn't keep it in

 a tear escaped, 

then another, then another

 and I finally started sobbing,

 my face flushed

 you in front of me 

worry clear in your eyes.

I moved, and shifted somewhat farther, but you held me in place,

 letting my eyes empty out on your shoulder.

he looks at you and asks what's wrong.

he knows it's his fault for lying, 

and all the manipulation.

but you don't know that and I do.

so I lie.

say I was crying about leaving this place.

away from you 

my only friend, that mattered at the time anyways.

but I was dying to tell you why.

but I didn't want to appear  weak.

now it doesnt matter

i could go bawling ballistically

and youd ignore,

avoid,

tell me to stop.

i cant control how i feel .

i cant control what i miss.

do you really not feel what you felt?

do you not believe in what i feel?

i dont have it in me to lose you 

in any form

but if i have to, 

i might just appear dead on the outside

and then go back to numbing myself

reckless behavior

the only difference between now and then is

then your words were more genuine,

your feelings evident,

your actions caring.

now,

you want to get rid of me.

escape me. 

leave me hanging by saying, "i dont know",

you want me to drown you in my attention, 

but when i ask for the same

you berate me.

while i stand there forgiving 

and longing for you.