Find Me

Part 3

"Yoongi come here I need your help" I call as I hand a tired Amelia to Taehyung. "Yes Boyoung-ah? You called me" "come sit down" I say patting the couch. I can see that he looks nervous so I decide to take a risk and move closer to him so that our shoulders are touching.  "Tell me what's wrong and all of it don't skip stuff out." "Fine so I just don't feel it anymore" he said guiltily. “Fell what?” I asked in a confused whisper as to not be overheard by everyone in the kitchen as I could tell that this was going to be a long conversation. "My wanting to live.   I don't feel like there's much worth living for, I mean sure I have a great family and wonderful friends but it doesn't mean anything anymore. Before I used to think what would happen if I die tomorrow, would Hoseok care would any of you notice. But I cared, that what kept me alive, my love for all of you but now that's all gone." “Hyung... I. Ok fine I won't say anything just promise me that you will talk to me. Promise me, promise me Hyung” I said as I broke down sobbing. “Promise me, please Yoongi please!” I say slightly hysterical now. "Yes Boyoung-ah I promise, now come here" he says pulling me into his arms. This has always been my safe space.

Backstory

Yoongi was the first person I met when I moved here. We meet at a café I was working at. He used to order an Americano and then sit down at the same table everyday listening to music for three and a half hours until my shift was done and then we would talk for hours and hours. One day he invited my to his house for supper, there I met the rest of the gang that being Namjoon, Hoseok, Taehyung, Jimin and Jungkook. Two weeks later I met Seokjin who now goes by Jin. He came to work at the same caféas I and then we learnt that we had gone to the same primary and high schools together but he was 2 years older than me. I late introduced him to Yoongi and his friends.

Yoongi has been there for me for 15 years and has become like my brother well so have the rest of the boys but none are as close at him.

End of backstory

You may be wandering why I call Yoongi Hong when I am a girl? Well it is because when I moved to South Korea one of the first words I leave was hyung. I would here Taehyung use it with Namjoon and everyone else so I thought that that was the correct way to address people in Korean. And even now when I have learnt the proper way I still find hyung more comfortable to use so I use it at home with them. Though deep down inside I feel most comfortable when I'm being called Sir even if it's a mistake.

Could this mean I'm transgender? No it can't I don't want to deal with the dysphoria, I've seen what can do to a person and I have to be strong. For Yoongi, for Amelia and the rest of the gang.