Depressed

What happened terrified the f#%k out of me

Out of my entire fifteen year life there's been a few times I got scared
Most of which was my family
Or people that used to bully me.

Every couple of days or sometimes days in a row
My parents would fight...........
........and fight they did.

A few times it was a life or death moment for my mom.
I've been to many theropists and they keep saying I'm fine.

But I'm not.
I'm nothing close to "fine" I've been scared my entire life.
I've dedicated my whole life in protecting my family....................

But they hardly did the same.
My mom? Sure she stayed with me in hospital for the few weeks I was unconscious.
But it's not my fault I'm like this....is it?

I didn't tell myself the world will use me!
I didn't say that friends aren't real!
I didn't tell me on what to feel...................

I'm broken.
And I almost hurt others because of it.
But it wasn't me. No. It couldn't have been me!!!
I wouldn't hurt anyone!!!!!!!

Maybe I'm wrong maybe because of it all I'm more capable of doing things others couldn't?

But I was never told that I was special. I was never the one they wanted.
They say they care,but it's a trick to the mind they fooled me!!

And I let them.......

My father hugged me for the first time I can remember for failing.
I feel so sh#* I can't describe it.

I hurt myself. I care more for others than for myself...............................yet Im still called selfish.
All I want is to feel loved but no. I don't care I have already gone insane.

I just need one thing in life...........................................to know if the one I feel for loves me for me. Yeah sure I'm average weight I suffered from brain damage and yet all I need is him....

I just hope he loves me
I don't care in what way
But he's the reason I'm still here...........

(I'm sorry for those who read if this triggered you in any way. But I needed this out. I can't anymore. I can't.
Ask for requests if wanting my life written down or at story to be written otherwise.
I'll write soon and don't be what I am. Be greater. Be you)