nail polish

probably the only part

I couldn't stop thinking of you, so I painted my nails to try to get my mind off of it. I started painting them yellow, but the yellow I bought at Target was cheap and didn't dry the way I liked at all. The second coat kept sticking to itself and wouldn't stop. It was getting really annoying and even after they were drying and didn't look bad; I took them off. Of course, I didn't think to buy any nail polish remover, and I didn't have any alcohol which made the process that much worse. A lot of it just smeared or got onto my hands when I tried to wipe it off with a paper towel. I went to the bathroom to find no alcohol, as previously mentioned. I found some hand sanitizer and tried vigorously to get it off my nails. To no avail. Now left with the bathroom air tainted with the lemony smell of the alcohol, and the piss in the bathroom because my brother miss the bowl constantly. It looked even worse. My scalp started to itch and I started to angrily itch it out of rage and frustration. My anxiety kicking up, I started to breakdown; feeling like my efforts were useless. Much like a summary all my efforts at this point in my life. I decided to ask my dad if he had any nail polish remover or maybe my step mom had any. They didn't have any. I went back upstairs to my loft area, my brothers screaming downstairs while my sister asked what I did to my nails. I just ignored her the first couple times, until she grabbed my shoulder and asked me again. I just said "I don't know Riley". She left me alone after that. Then I got the idea to cover the yellow with black. The black looked good and the yellow was completely unnoticeable. I was happy. I had fixed it. That was yesterday. They're already peeling, maybe from work, and I already see the yellow again. They look horrible. I hate them. I keep looking at them. Why can't it just go away? Why is the yellow still there? Why did I try to cover it with black? Why did I do this? Why can't I just forget it? Why can't I just be happy?