Suicide

Jessica.

I was bullied my whole life,with time I started dealing with it. It was part of my daily life. I experienced all types of bullying (hitting,pushing,swearing,and stealing too they stole my food my things my money..) well don't get surprised cause the worst is yet to come this is nothing compared to what's coming.

You think how did I survive to this well let me tell u that this was DAILY . Everytime I wake up I hate myself because I'll have to deal with this hell for another day i was too patient since i didn't end my life sooner. Why didn't I ? Cause I was scared i was too coward to actually do it and kill myself .

But everything changed since I met him . How did he get me to believe and trust him? IDK but I did which I will keep regretting all of my life if I don't just end it today.

What happened that day ?

He approached me with that beautiful smile of his and kept coming to me every other day . As I never had someone to actually approach me and talk to me and most importantly defend me . He didn't let anyone talk bad about me in front of him . At first,I didn't believe him because why would someone as cute and as kind as him would care about someone like me . But then, he kept coming to me laughing with me and talking to me I just went with it and believed that he was a good person to be friends with till that day .

He called me saying that he was really sick and he had no one around to take  care of him and he said he needed some medicine .Since he was always there for me when I needed him i didn't think twice and after I got his call I just wanted to help my friend who needs me . So I first passed by to get him the medicine he told me he needed and then I went directly to his house .

I knocked on the door he opened it for me , I went in then I noticed that he was normal , he was smiling and just standing there in front of me . He was just fine he had nothing so I said you look alright I thought you were really sick . He didn't answer me but just laughed .

At that moment i knew that there was  something . I told him I think you're feeling better now here's the medicine you asked me to bring for you . I'll have to go now .

I turned around to go to the door and go out,then I felt someone pulling me inside . I shouted out of surprise what are u doing? Let me go he answered me u'll see what i'll do .

Then ,he pushed me so i fell in a big sofa he had . I still remember his big hands on me it's so disgusting I hate him.

If only someone came back then . If only I had the power to just push him of me. It's so hard letting someone do whatever he wanted to you while u can't do anything .

I shouted and shouted so that someone would help me but no one did .

I was all alone ,weak , helpless.
I was so scared I kept crying and hitting him to stop but he just hit me back .

I kept begging him to stop I kept reminding him that we were friends and he shouldn't do this to me. But he was like a deaf robot, he just kept going like if he didn't hear me .

I can never forget what happened that day , I couldn't tell anyone and even if i wanted to i have no one.

I cry every night whenever i put my eyes to sleep the scene comes to my head . Even school i stopped going . I think about suicide 24h a day .

I'm so tired of everything .
I want this to stop .
I want my mind to stop thinking and my heart to stop beating .
That's it i can't write anymore this is just making it worse .
I'll end it all.
And hopefully ,there is going to me better than here
Goodbye humans u were so mean to me.