Lost Hopes

I wake up in the dead of night. Cold sweats roll down my back and face as I breathe heavily. A shiver runs through my body. I sit upright and look around the dark room. I realize I'm all alone.

I plop back onto my pillow. As I lie motionless I peer up into the black void above me. I wonder about life... Why do we live like we do? What is going to happen to me in the future? What is society going to be in the distant future? As my mind wonders about these unanswered questions it runs on a person. This one person made me happy. When I was around this person I was high on lust. She was a beauty.

A flash of lightning lights up my dark room momentarily. It is followed by a loud roar of thunder. The clashing of the rain against the window brings me back to the days of my youth.

I lie back for a few more minutes as flashbacks- memories go through my head. Tears roll down my face as I realized my mistake. The risk I never took could have changed my future.

At that point I rise from bed and open the window. The cool rain breeze fills my room and a few raindrops fall upon my face. I walk over to my bed, sit and reach for my phone. I scroll through my old photos from my adolescent years. Tears whelm up in my eyes. A couple of them manage to escape and fall onto the screen of my phone. I never thought I could feel so exposed but yet so "hidden".

I lie back on the bed. My eyes stinging from the salty tears I wept. I could not get back to sleep. My eyes kept me from falling into deep tranquility. I decide at that time to wash away the sorrow. I start towards the bathroom. My feet suddenly grow heavy. I trudge to my bedroom door. It may be the darkness but the space between me and the door seem to stretch immensely.

I finally reach the door. I feel sluggish from the traveling I did from the bed to the door that would release me from my dark lonely box of fears and doubts. I open the door and I feel a large weight lift off my shoulders.

Finally, I step into the hallway, but there is more darkness. I am saddened; I have a long way to go before I can make it to the bathroom. The doubts leave my little dark cube of a bedroom. They seem to creep along the hallway walls.

As I slowly make my way down the long hallway I stop dead in my tracks. All the regrets and worries swirl around in my head. They consume my thoughts. The only place I thought I could be at peace is invaded. I fall to the ground crying. I curl up into the fetal position and rock back and forth.

What seems like eternity, but has been only a few minutes passes. As I try fighting off my "demons" a wave of courage washes over me. I rise from the fetal position and wipe away the tears. I quickly make my way down the hallway and to the bathroom.

I reach the bathroom door and proceed to open it. Once inside I flick the light on. The bright light causes my pupils to dilute. I quickly start towards the sink. I take a long look in the mirror. My eyes are piercing red from the excessive crying I did. All I see is a lonely person who missed a chance at love and happiness. I wash my face and go for my eye drop. As I pour two drips of eye drops into my eyes I feel for more fresh air.

I walk to my living room and go for my umbrella and rain boots. I walk out the front door and lock it behind me. I slowly step down the little patio steps. I open up my umbrella as my feet strides the ground. I sniff the fresh rainy night air.

I stroll down the lonely dark street. Faint gleams from the streetlights shine upon my path. The sidewalks are slick and wet. The bottom of my trousers gets wet as I attempt to leap over a puddle, but I miss and land in the middle of it.

The atmosphere outside allows me to relax. I was once tensed, but I am now calm. A smile molds across my face as I close the umbrella and tilt my head towards the night sky. The little stars twinkle above my head. They illuminate the vast space of blackness. The stars seem to dance across the sky effortlessly. As I stare into the heavens raindrops splash against my soft face.

The chills of the rain breeze feels so wonderful as the pockets of air filter through my blue and black Satin nightwear and caress my skin. I stop beneath an old Cherry Blossom tree as the wind blows its light pink petals into the air. Spouts of pollen fill my nostrils. I holler a loud sneeze.

The tree stands tall with beauty and grace. Its beautiful pink and lavender petals shiver in the wind. They cling to the branches ever so tightly. I stand back to admire its majestic being. It reminds me of my lost "love". I want to be gloomy but the magnificent view of this Cherry Blossom leaves me incapable of doing so.

I stand with my arms folded across my chest glancing upon the Cherry Blossom's beauty and grace. The wind softly whistles in the night sky. Some Cherry Blossom petals break free from their branches; they dance with the stars in the sky. Pollen releases causing me to sneeze. The little droplets of rain starts to lessen. My hair is coated with petite water orbs and my clothes moisten.

I keep walking as I gaze up at the starry night sky. The cool breeze turns warm as I walk against it. I aimlessly walk forwards as the leaves wisp pass me. On the horizon the deep blue fades into golds and lavender. Morning arrives and the smell of morning dew lingers in the Spring air...