This is not a cancer story

Laughter is the best medicine

What do you say to one of your best friends when they come of out the closet? Congrats?
I certainly would NOT react in any negative form. That is for sure.

Luke looked at me with watery eyes that expected disgust. How did he think I was going to react? Loathing? Repulsion?

“Luke,” it comes out in a gasp, and I go to hug him even tighter. He was mumbling something in my ragged hair. I had to listen intently to finally decipher what he was saying.

“I said it. I said it. I said it. I said it,” over and over and over again.

“Luke, Luke, it’s okay. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”

I was still recovering from the shock of his statement. Luke was the manliest guy I knew. He was the dude who refused to ask for directions, he lived for footy, he got drunk and became an even bigger arsehole. Luke may have grown up in a house with a pink obsessed mother, two very female dogs and shared a room for more than half his life with his twin sister, but he showed no signs of being on the feminine side of things.

“How long have you known?”

He just laughed, “Since Grier’s party. It’s always at a party,” he stretched his arms over his head, casting a wavy shadow over mum’s grave. “I was asked ‘if I was gay, who would I date?’ Celebrities excluded of course. I answered Xander Phillips. Then I realised, I was kind of attracted to him. I suddenly noticed the shirtless guys in the pool. They become better looking abruptly. I tried to hook up with a girl to shake it off, but… as you can see, it didn’t work.”

“What are you gonna do? Like, I think you should tell the others. Does Zoey know? Or your parents?”

Luke gave me a look like I was some crazy baboon twerking my bald butt off.
“What do you think they would do Chloe?” He mimicked Riley, “Luke! Sure you can suck that guy’s doodle while we pash this blond babe! Go ahead! Get AIDS, we’ll support you!”

I had to laugh. Seriously, it was necessary. Imagining Elliot or Riley saying something like that was so ridiculous it was as if spiders really did tap dance (Elliot would approve on my Harry Potter reference).

“Lucas Blaine Tyke! As if anyone would ever say that! They would probably sniff, burp, scratch their arses and say “bloody knew you had the hots for me Luke. It’s true; my beauty turns even the straightest men gay”.

At this, he smiled. It was a knowing smile, the effect of years of friendship, inside jokes and jackass behaviour on both his and my part.

“Thank you”.
__________________________________

The trees surrounding the cemetery swayed lazily in the cool breeze. It was almost as if they were calling me over with their arms, trying to remove me from the landscape. I watched the leaves tumble in the wind, an array of greens and browns. The birds dived adventurously through the swirls of branches and foliage. My gay best friend was sprawled on the greensward next to me, pointing at clouds and claiming them to be the work of faeries trying to recruit human domestics.

“Look! That one looks exactly like pair of handcuffs! Chloe, they’re telling us they want us in chains! Why aren’t you taking this seriously?!”

“That one,” I singled out a bank of cloud. “That one seems to be an alpaca! Ahh, now I see it Luke! The faeries want us to hump alpacas!” I pretended to thrust my pelvis and he smacked my hand.

“You’re a poopy head Chloe Rogers!”

“I rather agree.”

Luke and I instantly jumped up and whipped around as the figure continued into our little patch of sunlit greenery. Elliot held a book in one hand, a daisy in the other and had melted snickers bar sticking out of his left front pocket.

As the sunshine fell over his scrawny body, I skipped backward, shielding my eyes, faking blindness.

“Fucking Edward. Stop sparkling in my eyes,” I slipped on my sunnies.

“I’m…I’m so sorry Bella… this is why I can’t be with you… I hurt you too much,” Elliot replied, not missing a beat.

“You guys are fucked up fangirls. Get a life,” Luke lumbered into the shade and promptly squished a toadstool with his arse. “How’s it going Elliot?”

Elliot had sat down and already opened his pristine book. Reaching in his pocket, he handed me the chocolate without acknowledgement and kept looking for his page. The treat felt hot and gooey in my hand. I peeled away the chocolate stained wrapper and shoved it in my bag to bin later. I swear, it’s only purpose was to distance you from the marvellous heaven inside. Man, I love snickers. Elliot knew me so well.

“Well, I have good news and bad news. Which is first?”

“Good,” Luke and I said it in unison.

Elliot put down his book (CoHF) and chuckled at whatever he was thinking about. “Jordan hit a home run,”

Luke looked rather confused. “Elliot, Jordan plays soccer not baseba- OHHHHH I get it! Well good for h- WAIT SLOW THE FUCK DOWN. JORDAN APRIL SONNA HAD SEX?”

He looked Elliot dead in the eye. “Would you like a tissue? Your bullshit is leaking again.”

“Man, I am completely serious about this! Jordan popped the cherry last night with that Addison guy!”

The thought of Jordan acting feminie and getting intermit was unknown to me. She was the girl you saw to get told boys were poop-tard whenever your heart was broken. She didn’t ditch you for her boyfriend, because she never had one. Jordan Sonna didn’t need a guy. A guy needed her.

“So if that’s the good news, what the bad?”
Elliot was smiling so I wasn’t that worried.

“Her dad found out.”