《Online Crush》Namjin Instagram Au

25

-Before the news got out-

Kim Namjoon's POV

I'm so bored, instagram is nothing but just taking a selfie and posting it to a bunch of thirsty hoes and it is so tiring 'wahh so hot namjoon-ah~' or 'maybe if you add a little blush and eyeshadow you will be perfect.'

Just ugh, I dress for myself not for you thots.

I decided that I would go outside to enjoy the cold breeze. Putting on my black coat and white mask, walking up on the stairs and pushing the door open to the rooftop. Walking towards the edge, enjoying the wind. Shuddering once in a while, looking down not feeling fear or affected at all.

Suddenly, receiving non-positive thoughts from my stupid ass brain who just wants to ruin my life. What the fuck did I do to you? But besides that,,

Flashing memories from a decade ago just when I was 15 years old. Feeling useless and not perfect enough. After having to go to a therapist and some help from Taehyung made me forget about my past self who made horrible mistakes.

And I was very thankful of course since Taehyung was young and still helped me even though he wasn't an expert he still tried. And I didn't even bother asking Jungkook since he was a fetus and an idiot back than. Chuckling to myself, looking back on how the two maknaes have matured so much. To my suprise they didn't even know each other. And for some reason met up on a sex app, yuck.

I rolled my eyes and had a small grin on my face as I remembered those fun, dorky, and stupid memories I had with my friends Taehyung, Jungkook, Yoongi, Jackson, and some other people from High school. I just started tearing up, me being the emotional fuck I am.

But then unfortunately went back to thinking my suicidal memories, remembering me wanting to end my life for dumb reasons. But I mean what's there left to do in my life.

I have my dream job to be a model for puma.

I have a group of fun and dorky friends.

I have a huge house which is very spacious and fun to hangout in.

I have an unlimited Taco Bell card to buy anything from there.

I have my family who love me.

And most importantly I have the l_v_ of my life..

Wait what?

_o_e of my life!

Why cant I say the —— of my life..?

I didn't fulfill that goal..

Why not? Why can't I find somebody who will have love in their eyes when they look at me? Not even lust? Am I not lovable? Am I to ugly? Do I need to work on anything?

Why won't anybody show me love and affection everybody gets and has..?

...

Should I kill myself?

Would It be any different?

Puma would just find a new model.

Mom and dad will just shower my brother in love.

Jungkook and my friends will forget me and find other buddies.

And.. Jin is probably over me and found somebody new and way better than me.

So, will it really matter if I jump off this building and just end my life? Probably not.

Namjoon, be for real right now. You're just a waste of space who is a spoiled rich kid. And worse, nobody gives a fuck about you. Your friends use you for your money. Remember when Yoongi wanted to borrow 600 dollars?

H-he needed it for his eomm-a's hospital b-bill!

No he didn't, he spent it on the expensive dinner for him and Hoseok.

Remember when your parents said that they were busy and couldn't hang out with you?

My-my parent's company w-was going bankrup-t!

That was just an excuse joonie, they thought you were so annoying and clingy all the time. Stop being so naíve and oblivious.

B-but—

Remember when Puma cancelled your shoot for Yang Jeongin? They think you're un-attractive and will bring no buyers to the company.

They just wa-nted to give me a-a day off thou-gh!

This is why nobody likes you, you're so stupid and idiotic. You're really dramatic, and for some reason even the geeks and nerds are embarrassed to be around you.

Just accept the fact that everybody and no matter what will always think you are useless— no, not think. They know you are useless. So you might as well just let your legs give out and PLOP.

"KIM NAMJOON FOUND DEAD AT 8:37!"

How does that sound Joonie? Satan saved a place for you in hell so just give up. Everybody hates you.

At this point Namjoon was believing what his head said to him. Digging his nails into his wrist becoming very anxious. His feet shaking and fidgeting.

Okay okay. I'll do it. I give up. You win.

Namjoon put his left foot off the edge and was ready to do the same for his right foot until somebody called his name.

"NAMJOON!" he felt somebody's presence behind him. But the voice.. he didn't know who's voice it was.. didn't recognize it at all. How'd this person know his name?

He shook all those thoughts out, completely ignoring the said man's words. And than proceeded to put his left foot back off the railing ready to do the same with the other one.