The lessons I've learned

The heart break

I'm in 8th grade at the moment. This past weeks has been...hard. I met this boy at the beginning of the year, now this boy...had a reputation. No I don't mean the reputation of being a player or a bully, I mean just being a straight up dick. I never thought this boy was a jerk cause I never knew him, even now after what he did I still don't think he is a dick. Now, me and him became friends, we started talking and texting just as friends and got to know each other a little more. Now I IMMEDIATELY fell for this baby face of a boy. I don't mean that as a insult, that's my way of saying I thought he was cute. Now when I realized I liked him my exact reaction was 'shit what am I gonna do? I can't like him, I'll either end up hurting him or he'll end up hurting me. What if I make things awkward? Will my friends think I'm stupid? Will I lose him as a friend?' I basically lost it cause I was confused. Time passes and we end up liking one another. I did NOT expect him to like me back at all. Cause I'll admit it I can be annoying as hell sometimes. I asked him if he wanted us to just stay friends or for us to date. He said he wanted for us to date. No I was soooo excited, like jumping off walls excited, literally just to date this boy. At first it was awkward cause I straight up told him I don't know how to date like...what that fuck do I do? We got more comfortable and I stayed with him for a month. Then that's when shit went down hill. Now I'm not trying to make this boy seem like a bad person cause I know that he's not. What happened was he broke up with me over text...cause he couldn't say it to my face. Now, I was heartbroken, a mess cause I was so confused. I mean now I joke about the whole thing but that doesn't mean that I don't remember how it hurt. Since I had school the next day and had him in 2 of my classes, I stayed home. I made an excuse to my mom that I wasn't feeling well so that I could stay home. That night I get a text from this boy, saying how he wanted to talk. Now I was confused cause we were done and I didn't think he wanted anything to do with me and my depressed ass. He basically told me he wanted a second chance. I told him no at first, but the next day we had a trip and we talked and hung out a little bit and I ended up giving him a second chance. Now that lasted about 4 days. Cause the day we went to school I found out he liked someone else. I confronted him about it and he didn't deny it, I still don't have an answer to why he got back with me if he liked someone else. Now the girl he likes is one of the sweetest people I have ever met, and this boy is one of the coolest people I've met even after all that confusing crap. Now these 2 are dating and are literally the cutest thing I've seen since my dog was a puppy. Honestly I'm supposed to hate this boy I can't, I can't even dislike him. Funny right? Anyways that was recent but let's go back a bit before I was as happy as I am now. I used to cry every single day. I stressed myself out so much that I couldn't eat. Like before recently the last time I ate like I did was Monday December 2nd. I mean now I eat like a pig so that's great. I was even so stressed that I threw up at school and had to go home. Eventually the boy texted me asking how I felt, now I'm not scared to tell him the truth so I said "broken, played, stupid, gross" etc. Now it was that day I started to get a little more happy, cause I finally was able to let him go. My way of letting people go is telling them that I don't hate them and that I forgive them, and that's what I said to him, also that I didn't blame him for everything. He asked me "why don't you blame me?"... I told him that I can't blame him for liking someone else, but I can blame him for lying to me. I told him it was both our faults, mine for blindly trusting him after seeing all the signs, his for lying. I still stick by that, I still think it was both our faults. There was this quote that said "If you see the signs but stayed with that person, that's on you" and that's true. That is on me cause I saw it but ignored it. Anyways so in the end I asked him one favor and that was not to hurt this girl like how he hurt me. He said he won't and that is one of the few things that he has said that I truly believe. Cause I see how he is with her and he does genuinely love her and treats her like she's gold and that's what I want to see. So I'm not worried for them at all. As for me I'm happily single, and I plan on keeping it that way. One of my guy friends asked me if I started crushing on anyone and I told him that I am done with boys for a long ass time. I did fine on my own before I'll do fine again. No me and this boy don't really talk anymore and don't really consider each other as friends anymore which is kinda sad to me cause I still think he was a good friend to me,but it is what it is. So I learned a couple things from this experience. The first is that your going to get hurt, but you can't stay sad about it. Next, you can't trust everyone. Lastly, just because someone does something to hurt you that doesn't mean they are a bad person. Some of my friends call this boy a dick and jerk but I still tell them that he's not that bad. Honestly, I just think he's a confusing ass boy that's it.