Winter Soldier Dilemma

chapter 7

        Bucky fell asleep, and was asleep for quite some time before he began tossing and turning.  Sweating.  Mumbling.  The blanket was half off of him, one leg out, and his right arm out of the blanket, away from his head as he's on his back.  His hair was a knotted mess.  Steve was cleaning up as he thought Bucky was sleeping.  He didn't have anything to so, but he didn't want to leave while Bucky was asleep.
        Bucky started mumbling a bit louder, as if he was talking to someone in the room.  It was inaudible of what he was saying though.  Steve was just about to go to sleep until Bucky screamed, which is when he ran to the room.  "Bucky!" get got to the door and had a problem opening it.  He wasn't sure if it was from him being scared of what was going on, or if the door was locked.
        He pushed the door in and rushed over to the bed.  He was still asleep, but he was tossing and turning in bed like crazy.  "Bucky!  Wake up!" he started to shake him.
        It took a few seconds before he woke up.  Which then he shot up, not being able to breath.  Sweaty.  Chest rising up and down quickly.  He said something that Steve couldn't understand, seemed to in a different language.
        "Bucky," Steve voice cracked.
        He turned his head to he right to see Steve, the blonds hands on his arm.  He still couldn't breath correctly, but he snapped out of the small trance he was in.  "S-Steve?" Steve hugged him tightly, pulling him closer.  "Wha-what time is it?" he barely remembered where he was.
        "Its almost eleven at night.  You were asleep for a few hours.  What happened, Bucky?"
        He didn't say anything.  He pulled away from the hug and looked down, away from Steve.  "What's the date, Steve?"
        That got him worried.  "June twenty-seventh 2014.  Is everything okay, Bucky?"  Please say yes.
        His mouth opened but nothing came out, until his mouth started to move to form words.  "I-I think so," he clenched his fists, his pulse racing again.
        "What happened, Bucky," he made him look at him by putting his hands on both his shoulders and turning him.  The former assassin refused to look at him however.  "Bucky!  Look at me!" he finally looked up at Steve.  He looked scared.  "Bucky.  What's wrong?  What happened?"
        He just shook his head.  "N-n-no.  I-I can't."
        "Bucky, you promised me that you'd tell me when something happened!  Clearly something happened!  You started screaming!  Now tell me what happened!" Steve wanted to start crying, seeing Bucky like this hurt him.
        Bucky started to finally calm down enough to breathe, and to talk without stuttering too much.  "I-I was in Zola's lab, years after the war," he was hunched over, not looking at Steve.  "Zola was there, and . . . and a few others," he took a pause.  "I was on a metal table, light above me, blinding me, but I could hear them all so clearly.  I was getting tested on.  They kept ejecting me with things.  Eventually I punched someone, I got out of control.  They tied me to the table, they did something else to me, I'm not quite sure what, but then they'd lock me up in a room for days.  It would either be twenty-four hours of darkness, or twenty-four hours of light.  Whatever they gave me, they wanted to know how it would effect me."
        He grabbed his left arm with his right hand.  "They'd torture me, try to stretch my limits, form me into a better fighter.  I have scars," he started to choke up remembering about this.  "all over my body from the things they did to me.  I was in Zola's lab for days before you came in and saved me.  I-I just kept repeating my name to remember who I was, so I didn't forget, so I didn't go insane.  He made me into a monster, Steve," you could easily tell that his voice was going to crack soon.  "I'm just a weapon, a good for nothing weapon-,"  head dropped, eyes shut, lip bit.
        "You are not a monster, Bucky," he tried being calm but he also wanted to force it into his head.  "You are a wonderful man, a great friend and have done many great things," the blond was on the verge of tears.
        "The only "great" things I've done is assassinate politics," he was always told what he was doing was the best for the nation.  "I killed Stark, framed it as a car accident!  Huey Long, framed as an accident from one of his bodyguards!  JFK, Leo Ryan!  Steve, they were all set up to be blamed one someone, or something else, but I killed all of them, and two dozen more!  I have done more horrible things than good things, you can say that all you want, but everything horrible I have done is on file, and joining the war was the whole start of it!"
        "You better listen to me, James," he had his hands firmly on Bucky's shoulders after making him took him in the eyes.  Bucky was filled with anger, why couldn't Steve just understand that he should have just died falling off that train, that he should be locked up.  "What happened back then, back while you were with HYDRA, is the past, and you should be happy that S.H.I.E.L.D. decided to not punish you for all of those crimes.  All of those crimes doesn't change who you were before and I know that person is still there.  You are not a weapon, you are not a monster.  You are a soldier, not the Winter Soldier, an American soldier, my partner, and my best friend.  I swear if I ever hear you call yourself any of those things again, I will hug you and never let you go."
        A tear went down Bucky's cheek, after the first few he felt he stopped caring, he's known Steve all his life, why should it matter if he see's him cry.
        Steve let out a sigh.  "I'm going to have to call Wanda," he said softly.
        "What?  No!  Please Steve, don't call her!"
        "Bucky I have to!  This has been going on for months and it seems like its only getting worse.  Why are you so scared of her finding out about this?"
        Bucky froze up, he didn't want to say why.  "Please don't tell her, Steve, its the only thing.  I beg you not to!"
        "Answer my question and I'll see if its a good enough reason or not."
        "I . . . I . . . I don't want don't want her to think of me differently. and for her to want to leave me because of what's going on.  She's nearly four months pregnant, she doesn't need to worry about whats going on with me."
        Steve got up and held a hand out for Bucky to grab, which he did and then pulled Bucky out of the bed and started to led him to his room.  "Bucky, what if she found out because you started to get this  even worse, and she'd wake up from it, at lease twice a week.  She found out and she didn't feel like she could trust you because of you not telling her what was going on with you."
        He hadn't thought about it like that before.  "Come on and sleep in my room for the night, better than sleeping alone.  I'll call Wanda in the morning, wither you want me to or not, Buck."
        He was silent for a moment,  then opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.  "What is it?"
        "I . . . I'm just worried that once Wanda finds out that she won't want to be around me, thinking I'm unstable," he said softly, leaning against Steve as they went into his room.  Steve would have stayed in there with Bucky, but that bed was too small for both of them.
        "Trust me, she won't leave you, she loves you."