I really need to get out. The other day kristanna told me I started to remind her of teddy after spencer broke up with her in good luck charlie.
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That was all she needed to say. I rolled my way out of bed and slowly walked to the shower. It helped a lot now that I felt clean I threw on an outfit and sat in my car b/c I had no idea where to go. I decide to go the movies in town i'm sure there's something I can find something to watch there. I get to town and I walk around a bit not for any reason in particular not like i'm hoping to find someone out and about or anything like that. After walking around I go into a few stores and by a few I mean like all of them mostly urban outfitters and spencer's and stuff again not for any particular reason whatsoever. After nothing happened which I totally expected b/c I wasn't looking for anything to happen I go see a movie. I watched a horror movie even tho I can't stand them but it was the only movie on that wasn't romance and I could not watch any type of romance film right now. But I kind of regret that decision b/c now i'm spooked i'm a big chicken when it comes to horror movies and that one really freaked me out. I want to keep walking around for no reason in particular but i'm too freaked out I just want to go home and drown what I just watched with my at home comedy movies. I drive home nothing happened idk what I thought would happen. I get out my car disappoi- O: Hey I jump and spin around extra quick wacking Ondreaz in the stomach with my purse J: AHHHH! fucking hell man I put my hand on my chest and try to calm myself down O: Ow that hurt J: Good you scared the hell out of me O: Well I didn't know you'd get scared you aren't normally this jumpy did you watch a scary movie or something when you know you can't handle them J: Maybe that's not important what are you doing here O: I came to talk to you J: Yea well no shit what did you think I thought you came here to stand there and look at me all night O: Ok so you're mad J: Well idk lets see the guy that I really liked ghosted me and then comes back out of nowhere and then scares the hell out of me. Does it sound like I should be mad? O: Good point can we please just talk about this J: Fine but i'm going inside it's spooky out here I walk around Ondreaz who is standing right in front of me and walk up to my house and go inside. Ondreaz pauses for a moment takes a deep breath and then follows me inside. I plop on my couch and grab a pillow and squeeze it tight. I'm nervous this is a very vulnerable state i'm in right now. Not only am I spooked but Ondreaz looks amazing. He plops down on the same couch as me but leaves a small distance between us. O: I'm not really sure where to start but I feel like it should be with sorry J: Look I get that people lose feelings for people I get that you might not of felt the same way anymore that's fine. But you shouldn't ghost me or anyone b/c of that you could of just told me O: Me? Lose feelings for you? That wouldn't even be possible. I turn and look at him our eyes lock. I think he can see how hurt I am J: Then why'd you leave I'm on the verge of tears but I hold them back with all my might. Ondreaz looks down at the floor. I can see how hurt he is that he hurt me. O: I was I- ... was he mumbles quietly O: scared J: you were what? He looks at me our eyes lock again O: Scared I have never fallen so hard so fast for anyone in my entire life. And I was just so scared of the pain i'd have to go through when you left so i did instead J: I can't promise that I will never leave the future is scary and unpredictable but I can promise you right now what I have with you is something that i've dreamed of having since I was a little girl and I don't plan on ever losing that. Ondreaz smiles softly and the frowns again O: I'm so sorry I let my fears break us apart I was a coward. Then I realized today you can't live in fear of what might happen and if this did ever end the memories that i'd make with you would be worth it if you'd ever allow me back into your life J: well idk you really did hurt me O: I know and I feel awful about it I hold his hands J: but i'm not going to let fear get the best of both of us Ondreaz lights up and pulls my hands causing me to fall on his chest and wrap my arms around him he squeezes me tight and starts laughing. O: I don't think i've ever been this happy in my entire life J: me either I don't know how to put it in words but just know my heart is happy
