Trapped in my head (camren)

Chapter One

Lauren's POV
"So who's the mahonie girlfriend?"
"That would be me..."
"How long have you been together?"
"Well, I don't really know. I mean..we've known each other for a while. Since like..XFactor-"
"That's forever!"
"That was like my way of dodging the question. Haha but yeah he's a really good guy"
HAHA GOOD GUY IMAGINE!!!
I couldn't take it anymore and paused the video. All this camaustin bullshit is going crazy after yesterday's interview. Honestly, all I wanna do right now is tweet all the fans telling them how I feel their pain too. I fucking hate Austin! Ugh! Ever since Camila told the girls about her relationship with Austin that's all she ever talks about. Austin this Austin that. Ugh I wish she could just shut up about it! What annoys me the most is that I had to find out through Dinah. She didn't even have the guts to tell me herself. I don't know if that was her way of sparing my feelings or whatever but all I know is that it's bullshit.

Ever since XFactor began, I've had feelings for Camila. She was my absolute best friend and I didn't want to harm our friendship in anyway by having any..romance. But I just knew by the way she looked at me, the feelings weren't one way. Somewhere down the road I couldn't hold my feelings back anymore. I told her how I felt. The feelings ended up being mutual and we had a thing. For about a year actually. But then Austin came along and..I guess the only way I can put this is...shit went down.
Rumors began spreading, Camila was overwhelmed by all of this because she didn't like him at all. At least that's what she told everyone. Camila and I had hit a rough patch in our relationship and decided to cut things off. We were always on and off anyway. Constantly fighting and making up. It was better for the both of us. It was better for the group too. If we broke up any other way things would most likely be worse and we would end up breaking up Fifth Harmony, which was the last thing I wanted to do. It was either we broke up this way with less heartbreak or we end up breaking up sometime later in life where things would hurt even more and we would have more to jeopardize. It was for the good of everyone. It was better this way. Well, that's what I told myself everyday since then.
After about a year of rebuilding our friendship, Camila and I were friends again. I mean, of course things would never be as good as they were in the beginning. I knew I loved her and I knew she loved me but I also knew things wouldn't really work out and I excepted that. Things were still weird and confusing. I was upset, very upset, but I excepted it. I couldn't tell if she did though. I know it was her idea and everything but she didn't look happy after the break up. She didn't have the same sparkle in her eyes all the time. Her face used to light up when she was around me. Now whenever she's near me she just flashes a fake smile and acts like everything's just peachy but it's not. She kinda looks almost, guilty. I don't even care about our romantic relationship anymore. I just want my best friend back.

I almost finished all my thoughts before Taylor knocked on my door.
"Lo, are you okay? Let me in."
I didn't even notice but I was practically crying my eyes out just thinking about Camila.
"Just go away, Tay"
"No, let me in! They can hear you crying from Nebraska."
I got up off of my bed, closing my laptop and opened up the door for my sister, wiping my tears with the sleeves of my hoodie.
"Lo, what happened?"
"You know what happened."
"Listen, I know you love her. And I love her too, well all do. She was always like a sister to me. But you have to move on. And moving on doesn't mean shutting everybody out."
"But I don't wanna move on! I've been trying to move on for the past year but I can't! Do you know what it's like to lose the love of your life for the sake of everyone else?! Have you ever been so confused about your relationship with your so called 'best friend' that you're afraid to talk to them because you were scared that they'll just completely drop you?! NO YOU HAVENT SO DONT TELL ME TO MOVE ON OR CALM DOWN OR ANY OF THIS BULLSHIT! I FUCKING LOVE CAMILA AND I ALWAYS HAVE! I HAVE EVERY DAMN RIGHT TO BE UPSET!"
My sister just looked at me like I had 6 heads.
"You're right. Let it out"
"I'm sorry Tay I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm just so upset right now. Things used to never be like this. She was my other half. She still is. She was always so amazing and nice and honest. I could tell her anything. Now I'm scared just to be around her anymore. She just like completely changed. Ever since Dinah told me about the two of them I've just been a wreck. It was so hard during the interview, Tay."
"You know Lo I wish I could tell you that it's gonna be okay and that she'll come back but I can't. I don't know if she will. As much as we all want her to. We're all in pretty deep shit right now and I guess all you can do is just tell the truth. Lying hasn't done so much good for you guys in the past year so I think it's best if you just tell her Lo. You don't need to do it now. But tell her when you're ready. That's the only way anything can be fixed. You can't solve a puzzle if you're hiding away the missing pieces."

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Okay so that's the first chapter! This is the first thing I've written and it's trash and I'm a foot but whatever man. I hope you like it. I'll write more next week. (Btw I'm pretty sure I made up that missing puzzle piece quote. I'm kinda proud so don't kill my vibe)

~ Bellaaa