Always With Me (Book 2)

[2]: Faith

                Standing outside the door, with my hand lifted up about to knock on it, I felt it.  The tingling sensation that ran up and down my spine anytime she was near.  The same one I I have had for more than two years.  One, I use to ignore, but no longer did.  Taking a deep breath, I knocked and waited.  I heard soft footsteps approaching the door from the other side.  The doorknob slowly twisting, and the door opening.   She was wearing a loose white shirt, one side falling off her left shoulder.  Coupled with black skin tight yoga pants.  Light cascading through her window, casting an ethereal glow about her.  Her skin pale and iridescent in the light,  Her long straight brown hair refracting light off of it, making it look as if it was the silkiest of satin.  She took my breath away.  So beautiful and angelic.  How did I not see it before?  How was I blind to who she was, and whom she had become?

"Good Morning Damien" I hear her melodic voice say to me, with a smile on her lush pink lips.

"Morning my heart" I say to her, but I watch as her smile falters, and then falls off her face.

"What's wrong? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, I just wish you wouldn't say that."

"Say what?"

"You know... Call me, umm, my heart? Cause you know..." I watch her say, as her beautiful grey eyes lower to the ground.

"Know what?"

"Well, you use to call her that too." I watch her say, and look up from her lowered lashes with sad eyes.

The smile that had been resting on my lips immediately died, and I saddened.

"God, I am such an idiot." I spoke to her, my eyes watering slightly.

"Damien, its okay really.  I just, I don't know.  It bothers me." She places her small hand on my arm.

"I get it.  I promise never to call you that again."

"Its okay.  Anyways, did you need something from me?"

"No, I just wanted to see your face before I headed to my office to catch up on some paperwork."

"Oh, well that's sweet of you." she states and her smile reappearing on her face.

"I also wanted to know if you wanted to come by my office and have lunch with me too?"

"Oh! That sounds good.  What time should I be there?"

"I was thinking around 12:30? Is that okay?"

"Of course.  Well, I guess I will see you then?"

"I will be counting down the hours."

I heard her giggle, "You are so corny sometimes, you know that?"

"I aim to please my dear." I said and winked back at her as I slowly back-upped by walking backwards.

        A few days after Leilani had woken up from her coma, we had talked about what had happened in the meadow.  How I had found her, why I had come after her, what had happened to Rachel.  She had waited expectantly and patiently as I relayed every detail of what had happened that day.  Down to Rachel's gruesome death at my hands.  I had started out telling her about what I had learned from Elder Alec in the morning, when I had met with her.

        As I told her about what he had told me about rejection and the Fallen,  I had expected her to be shocked, but she wasn't at all.  I had looked at her confused by her lack of response, and that was when she had told me of the book she found in the basement of the library.  I asked her how long she knew her own future, and that's when I found out she knew more than a year ago.

        And then it clicked in finally, why she had chosen to take her life.  Understanding of her predicament came swiftly then.  And I remember looking at her with pleading eyes, asking her the question I already knew the answers to.

"You knew for a year, what you would become?"

"Yes."

"Is that why you tried to kill yourself?"

"Yes"

"You didn't tell me in the letter because you didn't want me to feel guilty, didn't you?"

"Yes"

        Angry at myself, more than anything.  I had swiftly stood up, pacing around the room.  My anger at myself building until it climaxed, and I put my fist into the wall.  Breaking a hole in the drywall, and continuing to punch and punch the wall..  My knuckles battered and bruised from me punishing the walls for my stupidity.  Me screaming at myself.

"Stupid stupid stupid.  I nearly fucking killed you.  You were willing to sacrifice yourself for me.  You were ready to die, without me ever knowing what it would have cost you.  Assuaging my guilt even in death!  If you had died, and Alec had never come, I would have gone on with my life, never the wiser!"

        As the last of my tirade ended, I had dropped to my knees, fisting my hair, sobbing.  I remembered how Leilani had stood then, and walked to me.  Encircling me with her arms, offering her comfort.  And I also remember feeling like I didn't deserve it, and would never deserve it.  She loved me fiercely, and I doubted that I want I felt for her was only a drop in the bucket of what she felt for me.

        After everything was said and done.  She had been quiet, and as I searched her eyes for what she was feeling and thinking, she had asked me to give her time.  Time to heal, time to think, just time to be.  She told me how she had never given herself the chance to think past a few days.  And now that she did have time, she wanted to go slowly.  She told me that although she loved me, she had doubts still. She was still afraid.  Afraid of pain, afraid that she would wake up and this would all be a dream.

        I would have agreed to anything to make her happy, to bring a smile to her face, instead of tears.  We had ended the conversation with her telling me she was moving back into her room, and although my wolf hated the idea, I would abide by it for her sake.  I remember watching her walking out of the room that day, thinking there was more I didn't know about her.