English Projects/Stories

Road Rage

Just coming from the SAT than a 45-minute drive on the freeway, then going to a place where I feel ignored. Of course I don't want to go. I'm just tired, I want to pass out.

I pull up to the front of my cousin's house. Questioning why now? My mom and brother lead me through the burgundy door with a 'surprise' waiting for me.

"SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" My family jumps from behind the furniture. The only things they had to jump from was the dining table and a leather couch.

I jump too, questioning myself because I knew about this party in advance, my birthday is on the 15th it's not for another 11 days.

"Thank you for this, I love you guys!" I do appreciate the thought my family and my Nino's family put into this party, but it was one of the last places I wanted to be.

This party might as well be for every Hernandez here since on my mom's side at least, a majority of us were born in May.

I make my way to the back yard looking for some food.

"Wow, they went all out. Hawaiian theme with leis, flower clips and almost pink everything." Otherwise, the backyard looked the same. The green shrubs lining the coral stone fence and flooring. The inside looked the same, with a fancy looking couch and sofa. The small glass circle dining table in the kitchen with white chairs. The white barstools and a brown island and counters.

My cousin Victoria comes up to me, "Do you like it?"

I want to say no because if I had planned this, it wouldn't look anything like this. Almost 17 years, you'd think my family would know me better.

"Yes, I love it. Thanks, Vicky it means a lot." I hug her tightly, wow it seems like they remember I exist. Who woulda thunk it?

I take a look at the food trays, the only thing I like, macaroni salad. I grab a small portion and a cup of pink lemonade. I wasn't that hungry. Throughout the test, I drank what was left of my lemonade.

"Hey Nadia, Imma go to your room."

The white bed frame and pink bedding with fake diamonds on them.

I sit in an upward fetal position in the small space between her white dresser and tall standing white lamp, almost crying.

All of a sudden, I become dizzy. Is it a seizure? Am I tired?

Once I came to, I found myself sitting on the sidewalk. I looked around, something about this place seems familiar.

To my left, I see a house, the boarded windows and doors. The dead grass. I automatically get a creepy vibe.

A sudden crash catches my attention, a 2004 gray Ford Explorer flipped over. Glass all over the street and the truck damaged beyond repair.

A small hand waving from the window, "Help!" that voice sounds familiar too. Very familiar.

After some time the people who come out of the crash look just as familiar.

A little 10 year old me and my mom.

May 17, 2012. Worst year ever.

When it finally comes time when I talk to the paramedics, "It hurts in here." Putting my hand over my heart.

You couldn't just leave that to yourself? Telling paramedics you have emotional pain that you got over years ago? I'm so stupid.

I walk to the ambulance after the paramedics leave younger me.

I tell my younger self, "Wow Leslie way to go..." younger me looked down at her feet from the back of the truck.

"Mom's going to tell this story the rest of your life and won't ever let you live this down. Seven years later and she still mentions it. At least now you still have a dog to comfort you instead of some bitch ass cat who scares easily and won't let anyone pick him up."

"Cindy dies?" Past me guessed.

I've almost reduced younger me to making a river of tears.

I heave a heavy sigh, "No, she doesn't. We had to give her away and move into an apartment with no pets."

"You're lying. That'll never happen." Little me finally comes to tears.

I stare at my big, large, ox-like innocent eyes, "I wish I was, but would I lie to myself like that?"

"Yes, because I wouldn't expect older me to be so mean. You're a fucking bitch."

"First off Leslie, you're being mean by calling older you a bitch. Granted it isn't saying much since you own up to it eventually. Second, you or I didn't notice that I started to become mean after my first and so far the only break up I've had. I started to become something like a mini version of him, except I don't say or do anything inappropriate and feel disappointed when our future guy pals say something inappropriate and you understand it."

I vented, feeling a little remorse for talking to myself like that. Going through something traumatizing at a young age and being immediately yelled at, of course I'd lash out. I coddle myself only to be pushed away with every hug and it's okay, I tried to give.

"I hate what I've become. Just go and leave me alone."

I really couldn't see where little me was coming from, but I suppose it made sense. Little me hasn't dealt with anything like that since I/she was 6. Having a merry go lucky life so far, so not believing something that would create another big hole in my heart that would reduce me to hours of crying.

Yeah, I wouldn't believe it either, but I had already lived it, she hasn't.

"Okay look, Leslie, this isn't the worst thing you would go through this year. This is just some and I use this loosely because you're not in any physical pain, miraculously. That you're going to shrug off any physical pain that comes your way. You're a Hernandez, you have practically impenetrable skin. You are strong and surprisingly enough, mom thinks so too."

Little me looked confused and she dipped her head.

I don't think I took praise well as a kid. I never believed I was special because I saw myself as weak.

I didn't play any sports, except for some ball games, but that was an hour a day then I'd watch tv for the rest of the day.

I never hung out with what I considered were the cool kids.

I was told I was fat by my family so I developed some sort of 'the only way to be beautiful is to be skinny' thing.

So I felt like an outcast and never did anything about the things I thought was wrong with me.

"Hey, you wanna see something funny?"

I didn't even give her a chance to respond and started showing her the almost 2,000 memes in my gallery.

Surprisingly enough she got most of the jokes and she started laughing a good amount.

"Maybe I'm not so bad after all. Maybe I am likable."

"Just check yourself out in the mirror and wear clothes that make you feel fabulous. Remember, jackets are everything and try new, exciting things."

I started to feel light-headed again, thinking younger me is going to have another glimpse of what will be her future self. I found myself back in Nadia's room seeing it was still daylight. I haven't been gone that long.