Curious

I

Jade never liked London. Ever since she was a kid, she hated the traffic, the noise and the never ending construction. Now, at the age of twenty two, Jade would much rather obtain her English bachelor's somewhere close to her hometown, but after being accepted to UCL, she was left with no choice. Her parents convinced her to move to the city, telling her that she will find her place there, in the ocean of chances and one time experiences of all sorts. Thinking about her parents' words now, Jade wishes she had never listened to them in the first place. Although her studies are going well, she doesn't feel like she belongs here. Every place she has visited so far was either far too crowded or far too bleak, and she would much rather stay in her dorm at this point.

It is a regular Thursday morning when Jade wakes up a little earlier than she usually does and changes out of her pajamas. Since she has given up on going out at nights with the friends she had made so far, she gets to go to bed quite early and wake up before her alarm goes off. Jade quietly steps inside the bathroom, careful not to wake up her dorm mate, and spends a couple of minutes getting ready for the day. When she is done, she grabs her laptop and her tumbler, which she had filled with coffee, and heads out the door.

Jade could count on one hand the things she likes more than long walks in the late fall. She loves seeing all of the colours around, and the shapes in the clouds, but most of all, she likes the feeling of peace. The campus is always empty this time of the day, and Jade feels as though these walks are rather therapeutic for her. She's always been someone who needs some time to be on her own. She decides to listen to some music as she is walking, and takes her earphones out of the pocket of her coat. She plays a new song she had never heard before from one of her favorite female artists, and as she listens to the lyrics, she finds herself getting a bit emotional. The lyrics are beautiful and describe the type of love Jade could only wish to have one day, but they are not what makes her emotional. Jade wishes she was the woman this song was written about.

Lately, she has been experiencing this feeling a lot. Even though she does not get to spend much time on social media due to her studies, every time she would see one of her favorite female celebrities post a photo, she would dwell on it. She would simply stare it, focusing her gaze on the smile, the eyes, the lips, and the figure. It isn't something that seems unusual; it's just that these women are so pretty, it has to be appreciated somehow.

As soon as the song ends, Jade texts her best friend, Jesy, and tells her exactly what she is thinking - that she wishes this love song she is currently listening to was written about her. Jade gets an almost immediate reply, with Jesy asking are you sure you're straight babe?

Jade smiles and rolls her eyes as she texts back saying that yes, she is sure. It is definitely not the first time Jesy has doubted Jade's sexuality. It was said rather as a joke, but repeating it made it feel somewhat of a serious matter. Jade loves girls in an innocent way. She loves being their best friend, and sleeping in the same bed as them at sleepovers, and watching movies and cuddling and playing with each other's hair. It was never weird or unusual, it's simply fun, and it all felt like regular behavior that all female friends experience.

Perhaps there were some things she liked more than most people. She loves feeling the weight of any of her female friend's head on her shoulder, and is always a little upset when they let go. She loves holding hands with some of her female friends, but then again, that's just how female friendships are. It isn't odd, and Jade knows that.

Jade continues walking as she ponders this thought, and comes to the conclusion that after all, maybe it is a bit weird. She texts Jesy, saying, I'm definitely sure I am, lmao. But then I see these photos on insta and I hear these super romantic songs about girls and I'm just like... wondering.