"Stuck." (Billie Eilish x Fem!Reader)

My Savior

    I stare quietly at the sharp object I have gripped in my hand. Never, never, would I have thought about doing this... or so I thought. Thinking to myself, I watched the knife's blade glimmer with the dim light of our bathroom. I wouldn't go back on my words this fast, would I?

    I thought back to what happened the past week. I came out to my friends that I had depression, and was pansexual. They encouraged me with their sweet words, and made me stray away from my disastrous habits for that week. Now its the weekend, and no one is here to save me. It's pointless, really. I don't have anyone. All of my friends are with someone who loves them.

    I only have my mom. My dad, comes home angry. He storms out of the house, and even threatened to hit us. My bitches of sisters threaten me, and yell at me all the time. Living in a small home, its almost impossible to escape. The bathroom is my safe point. And hopefully my coffin.

    I placed the small kitchen knife on the sink. I sat on the ground, and placed my hands on my head. I cired. I cried until I physically couldn't. Between fighting back out bursts of hics and small screams, I was out of breath. I got a text from my friend. They sent me a link. The link contained a youtube video, titled "Bury a Friend - Billie Eilish"... Realising that I would now need headphones, I hid the knife in my pocket and made my way to my room.

    Finding my halfly damaged, tangled pair of headphones on my bed I hastily untangled them and hooked them into my phone. I pressed play. The up-beat sounding music filled my ears. It was soothing, in an odd way, and made me loose my sense of surroundings. I was only focused on the song, and the video I was playing.

    After the song had ended, I found myself listening to it again. And again. And again. Eventually, I found myself singing it. All of it. I need more of this... I thought to myself. I quickly typed the artist in my search bar. "Billie Eilish". Scanning over the millions of results, I found one that caught my eye. "My boy"? I clicked. Once again I was engulfed by the music, so much infact, I barely noticed my sister enter the room. She yelled something incoherent to me, and stormed out complaining. I only listened. To the music of course. It filled my ears and made my core shiver.

    That night, I was saved. By her. Billie Eilish and her music saved me. She saved me. By the time my alarm clock went off, I was already up. I stayed up all night. Saving pictures, listening to songs, watching interviews, QnAs, and so much more. I even found out she had merch. Which, I was determined to be an owner of at least one piece of.

    I opened the message again on my phone and sent a thank you. That entire day I spent looking up things and filling my knowledge of her up to its limits. I followed her everywhere. Any website, I visited. Any account, I followed. Any video, I watched. I barely missed anything.
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    A few months went by. I told my friends about my "obsession". They called me crazy, like I had something wrong. I knew otherwise though. I wasn't crazy, I loved her. I loved her so much, I'd die for her. Okay... Maybe I do have an obsession... No, I most definitely do. There's no denying it now.

    Saturday. Today is Saturday. I sat up in my bed and continued to research my newly found crush. My friends made many jokes, most of which I laughed at. I stared at my phone, while listening to her music on soundcloud. Just a few more days till my birthday. I thought to myself, as I clicked through the many pieces of her merch.

   I picked out a beanie. A black one, with her logo in green. I showed my mom, and asked her if I could have this for my birthday. She hesitated. "Sweetie, you know how expensive that is, right?" She said, trying to not let dad hear her. "I know, but it'll be the only present I want..." I started, and stared up at her with my best attempt at puppy eyes. "Alright, alright... fine, just this once." She said, as she took my phone and copied the information onto hers.

    Mom smiled at me, and gave me a slight wink. I jumped, and made a shreek sound of joy. This is the first time I've been actually genuinely happy infront of my mom. She seemed happy.

    I rushed to my room and flung myself on my bed. Satisfied with my mothers response, I continued expanding my collection of knowledge.
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    A few more months had passed. I got my beanie, and I wore it everyday. I never even bothered to wash it often, but not to the point I didn't at all. Her new songs were just getting better and better, and eventually I convenienced one of my friends to like her music too. He found out about her brother, and that changed completely. He was way more into her brother, Finneas O'Connell.

    I wasn't mad, he also made really good music. I enjoyed listening to both of them. But Billie's music more. Definitely.

   "Oi, Brian-" i shouted, I had gone to the park with him. We wanted a break from out houses, as expected of teens. "Yeah?" He called back, picking up his rubber ball. "Slow down, you're to fast.." I said, panting as I caught up to him. "You'd think with those long legs of yours, you'd be alot faster." He remarked, giving me a smirk. I'm 6'1. "Oh shut it, it's better than being to short to reach things in the cabinet." Brian had tried to get a ceral box down from one of my cabinets, and fell in the process.

    "Fair enough." He said under his breath, though I could tell he was slightly annoyed. I got an instagram notification on my phone. Seeing it was from Billie posting, I clicked on it immediately. "Guess who's got a failing kidney hoes" was all written below, with a picture of her in the hospital.
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(Sorry for this being most likely a bit short for some of you. This is the end of chapter 1! Let me know if you enjoyed and would like me to continue. Also this should be where you can read it at night for those of you who are night owls.)