Alone.

~Chapter 3~

It's been a month since I first meet the boys and right now we are kinda like best friends but I can't help but not want any friends I just want to be alone, but I can't exactly say oh I don't want to be friends anymore I mean we live right next door to each other and it's just rude. I guess it's time to move on to change. I need to change.
There was a knock at my door and in walked Luke "hey Lukey" I smiled looking up from my book "Hey Tay Tay" I winced at the sound of him saying that nickname. I looked over at him to see if he noticed but he was to busy going through my draw "And what exactly do you think your doing" I said placing my book down and folding my arms over my chest. He looked over at me and smirked before pulling out a pair of my lingerie "so when do you plan on wearing this for me?" he said with a wink "LUKE ANTHONY MARK BROOKS PUT THAT BACK!!" I screaming whilst giggling and chasing him around my room, he tripped over the rug which caused me to fall on top of him "you know I actually like this position" he grinned moving a piece of my hair out of my face and tucking it behind my ear, I sighed and got off of him and straightened out my top "what's wrong?" he asked bringing himself up and leaning on his arms "N-nothing" I murmured he sighed and got up and started to slowly walk towards me "Tayla I like you. A lot. and I don't know what this feeling is and it's scaring me because every time I see you I I lose it. all my emotions just go everywhere like I'm happy because I get to see your beautiful face and then I'm sad because I don't get to you but then I'm confused because I don't know why I feel this way, I want you Tayla, I need you." he said looking into my eyes
"Luke I don't want this..." I barely whispered
"Why? why don't you want this?" he asked taking my tiny hands into his
"Luke I'm so used to being alone and this past month has been uh different. Luke you you don't even know me... you know absolutely nothing about me and I'm scared. I'm broken. Tell me that you knew that. You didn't I tried so hard to keep a smile on my face but it's hard-" I started "what's hard? Tayla I can help you!" he questioned "Luke I need to be alone until I'm better, till then can you and the boys just forget... about me. Luke it's best if you just get over me..." I sighed looking down. he dropped my hands and begun to walk towards the door but stopped and turned around "But what if I never get over you? What if I continue to wake up everyday of my fucking life and want you so badly that my bones shake so much that they feel like they are going to break? what if I keep waiting for a call or a text or a sign from god that never comes? what if you were the one but I wasn't?" he said with tears rolling down his cheeks.
"Luke-" I was cut of from the sudden impact of his lips on mine, he he was ki-kissing me, what do I do? without even thinking I leaned away from him with wide eyes "Luke I think it's better if you leave" I said sternly backing away from him he looked sad and hurt "I'm sorry" he said backing away and grabbing his hair and pulling it in frustration before grabbing hold of the door handle and pulling it open and slamming it behind him causing me to jump in fright I heard his feet storming down the stairs and the front door being opened and slammed shut again I walk over to my window and saw him crying I looked up into the sky with tears threatening to fall "I miss you Joshy, I wish you were here so you could tell me what to do, I'm going to die alone if I keep acting like this... it's just... hard to let people in because I had you and then you were gone. If I let him in or any of those boys in who can tell if they're just going to leave me like you did, not that it was your fault, it's always mine. You see if I'm alone all there is to lose is myself and I don't know what I'm doing anymore because I'm already lost. and I need to find a way out. Out of all this darkness..." I cried "I need you Joshy, more than I ever realised..." I cried and cried until I felt as if I couldn't cry anymore and then I would surprise myself and cry even more until I finally fell into a dark and lonely sleep.