Days like today I don't want to get out of bed. I lose myself in thoughts that I probably should not be thinking. It is the day after Christmas, and it didn't even feel like a holiday to begin with. I always heard growing up that things will change. I didn't know that meant the holiday spirit, the excitement I felt that used to last forever, or how I would sit there wishing I was little again. I have so many things on my mind anymore.
I say "I wish" before a lot of things that come out of my mouth.
I wish cancer didn't exist.
I wish grandparents lived forever, as well as parents.
I wish I could enjoy being little and playing outside until the street lights came on.
I wish I would have taken sports and school more serious, and maybe my career path would look better than it does right now.
I wish I would have chosen better friends in high school.
I wish I wouldn't have ever had a boyfriend until college or after, just friends.
I wish when I saw a shooting star and wished upon it, that it would come true.
I wish the world my daughter was about to be exposed to wasn't so terrible.
I wish I wasn't so mad at the world, but with everything happening in my life and around it I can't seem to help it.
I wish that I was more mentally and emotionally strong.
I wish I was better at explaining my emotions.
I wish I could travel.
I wish I had a camera.
I wish I didn't wish for so much because I am honestly so grateful for everything in my life (I just should have listened better growing up).
Life gets hard and I know that. I need to get used to it. I am too young to be feeling the way that I do. I personally wouldn't change a thing that has happened now, but I always wonder where and who I would be around if I would have had a different friend group, no boyfriends, or if I didn't drink in high school... but I wouldn't have my first home, my daughter, my boyfriend, or this job right now. Who knows where I would be school wise? Some of that is scary to think about. I don't realize how good I have it sometimes, but honestly, no matter how much I wish on things, I do not need change.
