Amori

Chapter 10: The First Time

Alright, Violet, take me back to that moment, you were beaten up, house thrashed, everything's a mess… and then all of a sudden *snap*, you think that the next best step is to form a romantic relationship? I don't follow.

Of course, it wasn't all at once like the way you put it. But the feelings were.

The feelings? I still don't get it.

You know, what I felt was… there was this intensity in the moment. When you're lying on the cold floor, blood and dirt everywhere, and you're with this two other bodies lying down beside you. You just feel this sense of safety despite all the ruin around you. I looked at them that time, no one dared to speak a word. We were all just listening to our rugged breathing, trying to take in all that has happened. And you just know, that all three of us were just feeling lucky that we were alive. Most importantly, in that moment, we were lucky we had each other.

So, you think it was "love?"

I didn't say that.

Then what do you think happened at that moment?

I don't know what I thought happened. But I know how I felt.

And that is?

I know what you're trying to do.

Um.. what am I trying to do?

You don't believe us. You're only trying to disprove what we have.

I'm trying to help you, Violet.

No, you're not.

I am. And I just really want to clear this air between us. I want you to trust me. It's impossible how I can make you give me that if you're gonna look at me like I am someone who's judging you when all I'm just trying to do is clarify the story you're giving me.

Why don't I feel that then?

You've got your walls up pretty high, young lady. It's like I'm speaking to you with this glass wall and I'm trying really hard to listen. I've got my ears closer but you pull away. I take one step forward and you take one back. Let me hear you out. Please. What you're feeling right now is normal. You feel like you're being interrogated. You don't want me to think of you less especially when you think I already am thinking you are. But I'm not.

Okay. What else do you want to know?

Alright, the next thing I want you to tell me about may be a little sensitive. I'm not forcing you to talk about it. But you came here to my office and you promised to bare it all for me to understand your situation fully.

And your question is?

How do I put this… Tell me, um, how was it like…

When we first fucked?

…yeah if you want to put it that way. Then yeah, how was the first encounter? You told me earlier that when you do it… There's always the three of you. It can't be three of you on the first time right?

Why can't it be?

Well, technically, threesomes are awkward as hell. It's not magically scripted like the ones you see on TV or wherever. There's always gonna be someone who's left out. And we're talking here about not just some casual hookup… or friendly fuck. You're basically strangers who knew each other for a few days. And then there's this thing… that um, there's two guys and just one girl. I don't think a lot of guys will be comfortable with that. I wouldn't be to be honest.