Forward

Bitter Regrets

If there was one word to sum up her life, it had to be tumultuous. 

The life of a shinobi was never easy, requiring hard work and dedication, something she had decidedly lacked in her earliest years. It was only after nearly losing not only her life, but the life of her teammates that she finally opened her eyes to the severity of her profession. From then on, her time was spent training until she couldn't move, reading until her head hit the pillow, and completing mission after mission, forcing herself to surpass her body's limitations. Her life only seemed to improve after Tsunade took pity on her, guiding her albeit more aggressively than perhaps necessary, but nevertheless boosting not only her taijutsu and medical ninjutsu prowess, but even going as far as passing along her most secret and well-kept jutsu: the one hundred healing mark, the ultimate jutsu that took three years of her life to acquire. It was wonderful, the very first time she activated the seal. At long last, she was able to stand on her own two feet, no longer the weak little girl that needed protecting, and boy did it feel good. From that day forward, she vowed never to revert back to that weak little girl. She would be strong, for her village but also for herself.

And yet here she was, a shell of her former self, completely and utterly broken beyond belief. 

Maybe she deserved it? Her vanity and naivety cost her precious time, time better spent honing her skills, and perhaps she could have stopped Sasuke that day all those years ago had she but the foresight. Instead of offering her heart, she could have offered her strength, though at the time that wouldn't have meant much. Had she been stronger maybe she could have forced him to stay, perhaps ended the path of vengeance before it had even begun, though she knew this to be moot. Sasuke would have overpowered her with ease with merely a genjutsu had she tried to act. 

Perhaps there was nothing she could have ever said or done. Sasuke was bound by the death of his clan, a cursed fate between brothers that even she had been helpless to prevent. She cursed Danzo with such animosity that had the man been alive he would've withered on the spot. If he hadn't forced Itatchi that night so many years ago, maybe then they could have grown up happily. Sasuke would have had a healthy home, a loving family instead of a broken dream and visions of slaughter, or a hatred so consuming that he betrayed his village and attempted to erase the leaf from existence. He would have never had to atone for his crimes, he would have never left on the journey for redemption, would have never met the grisly end that awaited him.

These thoughts were pointless, a self-inflicting torture she couldn't break, but the melancholy she felt had been increasingly difficult to ignore, festering in her mind as she replayed the image of his lifeless corpse over and over. Never again would he open those haunting ebony orbs that plagued her every waking moment. The gentle touch of a callused hand upon her brow, the softly murmured 'hn's that he was so well known for, even the soft tenor of his voice brought tears to her flooded eyes. No, for all he had been in life would no longer hold in death, a fact that she pointedly ignored, allowing herself to fall into delusions of memories not yet created; never to be fulfilled.

Her heart broke everyday, the knowledge that his life had been erased a bitter memory that she chose to repress, lest she end up where she was now.

A large hand brushing across her back soothed a small ache in her heart, the tender caress a juxtaposition of the strong embrace she was entangled in, although she relaxed in his hold ever so slightly as the seconds ticked on. By no means was she happy to have broken down in front of this man, but she would admit that his declaration from earlier and the tender way he held her eased some of her sorrow. The burden of carrying Sasuke's death may very well haunt her forever, but at this moment with this quiet shinobi brushing a soothing hand down her locks, she truly felt comforted for the first time in months.