The Luthor in Her

I'm your Opheliac, I've been so disillusioned. I know you'd take me back, but still I feign confusion.

Lena's feelings for Kara were confusing, to say the least. She didn't even know what those feelings were, let alone whether or not she wanted to follow or change them. After the "Big Reveal", Lena had just become so disillusioned with life in general. It was hard to say what she felt anymore. It was either nothing at all, or an overwhelming storm she could never hope to understand. At the very least, she could say that Kara made her feel insane, and that they were not friends. Or at least, on Lena's side, they were not friends. She was presently tricking the Girl of Steel into thinking that all had been forgiven, so as far as Kara knew, they were friends for real. In truth, though, it was only just an act. Lena knew in her heart that Kara was happy to have her back, but another part of Lena refused to let such a big issue resolve itself so quickly and quietly. As such, she feigned ignorance and acceptance while keeping a much larger plot up her sleeve.

I couldn't be your friend. My world was too unstable.

No, if there was one thing that was for sure, it was that Lena simply could not be Kara's friend. Not right now, at least. Not as long as all the confusing, chaotic, conflicting emotions were still running high, impossible for Lena to untangle and understand. Once again, Lena didn't even know what her feelings for Kara were, let alone how to deal with them. So as long as that was a problem she had to face, they simply could not be friends. Even if Lena desired it, there was always a small part of her refusing to move forward. Life was just too crazy for the Luthor right now.

You might have seen the end, but you were never able to keep me breathing as the water rises up again, before I slip away...

Even if Kara had truly known what was going on, Lena doubted that it would've helped. She already knew that Kara would not be able to save her. Not anymore. It was too late for that now. There had been a time when Kara came close, coming out to Lena at the Pulitzer ceremony, but even that apology had come too late. It was the closest Kara had ever gotten to seeing what her lie had truly done to Lena, but even that apology, as moving as it had been, was too little too late. Lena's vengeful side warped the apology and she became convinced it was just an act, like everything else Kara had ever done. The apology was lost on Lena and she became lost to her vengeance. It was too late to save her this time.

You know the games I play and the words I say when I want my own way.
So Lena's little game continued and Kara, somehow, remained ignorant to it. Despite knowing Lena better than pretty much anyone else, Kara was somehow incapable of realizing that Lena was lying to her. But that was the Luthor in her, a master at lying, deceiving and manipulating. Even if Lena loathed her Luthor genes, she knew she had them and she wasn't always opposed to using them if the time was right.

You know the lies I tell when you've gone through hell and I say I can't stay.

And in fact, Kara had seen this Luthor-ish side of Lena before! That was part of what made Kara's current ignorance so baffling. In the days when Lena and Supergirl had argued, Kara had seen firsthand how Luthor-ish Lena could really be, but for some reason, Kara didn't suspect a thing now. Kara ought to have known how good Lena was at clenching her teeth and entering a truce even if she really didn't want to but, for some reason, Kara didn't seem to be the least bit suspicious at how easily Lena had "forgiven" her now.

You know how hard it can be to keep believing in me when everything and everyone becomes my enemy and when there's nothing more you can do
I'm gonna blame it on you!

But then again, maybe Lena's relationship with Kara had never been as clear as Lena's memory was making it out to be. There had been a few times before when Kara seemed to have doubted Lena. Or even when she remained stalwart, it would be Lena's turn to doubt Kara's loyalty to her and then Lena would manage to blame her anyway. Maybe this was just another one of those times? One had actually happened just last year when Lex first broke out of prison. Kara failed to ever check up on Lena in that time and Lena had, initially, accused Kara of being a bad friend. It was only later that Lena was able to rationalize with herself that Kara had just been busy trying to get the story and that her "neglect" of Lena had not been intentional or malicious. Then another time had happened back in the first year that they knew each other, when Lena was being framed for something and Kara had come in to talk to her about it. Back then, Lena had accused Kara of sounding more like a reporter than a friend...