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and i guess, they're quite public about it.
mark and i had made up this whole joke for the fans out there to laugh and be involved, kind of? it was funny for us, and as we hoped for them. but some of them took things out of hand, and led to the spilt of my ex-girlfriend and i and the girl mark had been talking too cut off contact because she thought he was gay.
i never figured i'd actually fall in love with mark. so bad to the point i feel i can't breathe without hearing his laughter, his voice loud in my ears, sending shivers up my spine. the fact that when said person texts you and you can't tear the smile off your face.
you're fucked. i'm fucked.
those coco brown eyes, and the little crinkles at his eyes when he laughs so hard his chest starts to hurt. i loved those days. but, things are different since i confessed. i can't seem to get out my of own head now. id begin to daydream about this perfect little house with plenty of space for mark and i, and chica. the kind of house where we could laugh together if one of the paintings hung up on the walls had a dick in it. the endless jokes about every little thing we could think of. being so fucking stupid and making stupid ass foods together and fucking it up so much but it didn't matter as long as we could laugh and connect.
i never knew pain like this. but, i guess i had to find a way to get used to it. twitter will always be full of "crankiplier away memes" until their relationship meets inevitable doom, but i don't think that's going to happen anytime soon. mark and ethan will post a new video of themselves doing stupid shit on their channel together and mark will never not hug ethan in every video and call him cute. i can live with this. mark and i are still friends right?
yeah..
but mark.. was.. he was the kind of person who's very existence was... alluring. he had a kind smile, gentle piercing honey eyes, that looked through your soul and could control your emotions, your thoughts. suddenly, my heart is in my stomach. im so anxious. im about to help them film a video since mark and i haven't talked in months.
being in this house is confusing and it feels uncomfortable. ethan's messing around with his hair as he fixes the camera on the stand. were alone and it's just, awkward. ethan looks to me, and i can feel his stare burning through my skin.
"hey,"
"uh, hi."
"how was the drive?"
he grins, i can tell he's trying to be friendly with me. mark walks into the room and i feel light-headed, being near him makes my veins rush blood into my system. he puts a hand on my shoulder, "good to have you here, sean. we haven't spoked in ages." he smiles widely and fixes a few things in the shot and i stammer, my name rolling off his tongue sounds so nice... so right.
mark begins to explain the purpose of the video and im too focused on his soft kind eyes. hopefully ill be able to keep up. ethan nods as he runs behind the camera and looks to mark, "action?" he laughs a bit and mark nods and ethan hits the button and quick rushes to the middle and almost slips and falls as mark laughed and put his arms on ethan's shoulders, "caReful." he laughed as he began talking to the camera and i fall silent, ethan is adorable.. he's smiling happily already and already laughing, mark's making jokes about how ethan never talks normal on camera and i force myself to laugh and smile and make jokes of my own. my teeth grinding against one another, digging my nails deep into my skin enough to create tiny moon crescents in my palms. and i can't breathe, even with air in my lungs i still can't breathe.
the entire reality of the video was to practically destory me.
i can feel my heart beat through my palms where my nails remain and ethan's laughing so hard as he tries to remove the wax, "aH, its sTuck!" he laughed, his brown hair fell into his mellow aquamarine eyes as mark helps him peel the wax off with his free hand, his other covered in wax. i feel like a broken record. thrown against the wall, snapped in half, smashed to pieces, and broken, and i think im hyperventilating.
wait. am i?
i guess i never realized my hands were clutching my throat and mark looks concerned, ethan seems confused, and i have no idea what's happening, until the tears start streaming down my face, softening the wax on my neck probably. and then, i realize, somehow i put myself into a panic attack.
• i felt like writing for once, here ya go my dudes btw i know mark and ethan both have girlfriends its a fanfic for a reason bye ! ✌🏻
