sunshine, heartbreaks and you • lee chan

heartbreak.

TAKE 2; SCENE #2: HEARTBREAK.

CAST: - KIM MIN JAE as DEAR.

-----THE CAMERA BEGINS ROLLING----

We were all surprised that you agreed to do this interview. Was this a way for you to get back at him?

DEAR: No. I just simply thought it was the best way to get us to communicate. 

Because why would I still contact him after he's gotten himself 

someone new to love? That would potentially ruin his relationship, 

if his significant other had seen me trying to contact him again.

DEAR: Besides, the reason why we broke it off because 

there was no communication. I didn't communicate well with him.

 I was just too selfish and took his feelings for granted.

How so?

DEAR: I was just too fucking complicated. Hoping that he'd continue

 to keep his feelings, I thought that if I had pretended that I 

didn't know about his feelings, he would continuously try to 

get me to like him. Even if that would be a painfully repetitive 

cycle, it was better than him losing his feelings for me completely. 

Or so I thought. 

DEAR: It took only a matter of time until he stopped 

looking at me the same way. While I, on the other hand, 

had only started to accept my feelings for him when that happened.

Talk about bad timing, yes?

DEAR: Well yes, you could say that, but also no. 

You know what's worse? Knowing that he had stopped loving me 

the same way through a close friend of mine instead of him.

 I could not believe it at first, but I thought to myself: 

"Ah, it had finally happened." 

DEAR: Ever since then I had always asked myself, 

"When?" 

When did he stop looking at me the same way? 

When did he stop accepting my flaws and holding 

his breath whenever I pass by? Since when did his gaze stop 

following me whenever we were in the same space?

DEAR: I think the best way to describe my feelings at that time 

was the fact that I had accumulated all my love over those years 

and they gradually increased as time passes by. 

Mainly because we interacted less. I became timid. 

We rarely ran into each other, and the only time I could feel 

my heart flutter when I stole glances towards his direction 

once in a while. I compressed all that unexpressed love into that jar; 

its content increasing and becoming denser by the minute.

DEAR: Being in love, I held onto that jar oh so tightly ; 

I couldn't bear to let it go. I didn't realize that his jar, in the meantime, 

was starting to become empty. I thought we remained the same.

 I thought we both held tightly onto the weight of that

 jar and carried it around with us, mutual feelings for each other. 

But when he had dropped his jar it shattered and

 spilled all over the place. He got a new one; and 

started filling it with feelings for another someone.

DEAR: While I, on the other hand remained dumbfounded, 

confused and devastated. What was I supposed to do now? 

What was I supposed to do with this jar that I hold onto 

ever so dearly? Where will I pour its contents if not onto him 

once it overflows? To whom shall I hand this jar now? 

It's still a thought that haunts me yet again, until today. 

It's the worse feeling. Although all I wish for him is to be happy,

 I just can't help myself from feeling sad over all 

my feelings that I felt, at that time, like they had gone to waste.

DEAR: But then again, what could I do now? 

It was too late anyway. Feelings change. People leave.

 It's not an unfamiliar cycle. 

So why should I be so hung up over it?