The Longing of a Melancholy Heart for a Distant Beloved

ONE: The Longing Heart

I open my eyes and see the light of the moon illuminates inside the room. The lights beaming from it are making clusters of rays and shadows from the curtains to the bed, shelf, table and chair. I move closer to the window and push the curtains aside, making a way for the light to fully penetrate the room. I look at the moon hovering above me. Its face is filled with light borrowed from the sun. It smiles so brightly as it looks down on earth, observing like an innocent child. The stars that surround it are also giving off their shining light. And they look as though they are celebrating the birth of the full moon. They are twinkling as the moon smiles at them on that clear midnight sky.
While they look brilliant above, I feel the twinge of something I cannot understand inside my heart. While the beautiful scenery that lies before my eyes drowns me in awe, an unexplainable feeling engulfs my heart too. Is it sadness? Is it pain? Is it melancholy? Is it longing?

I cannot distinguish which one of them is stirring my heart right now. It can be sadness. The feeling when we are confronted with something beautiful like the sunset or sunrise, we are out of words; and its just so beautiful it makes us sad. It can be pain too. The pain of knowing no matter how beautiful it is, will later fades away. That everything on earth just come to pass, even the most beautiful night sky will also pass us by. It can be melancholy. An extreme feeling of dolefulness when we know there is something we can never grasp. Our eyes can only look at it but we can never say or act as if that is ours. Even though, its beauty captured us there is nothing we can do to make it ours. It just stays there. Nobody can own it. It can also be longing. The longing to be with it forever. The feeling of wanting something we don't know about to stay with us, as if we're missing someone or something we really want to see. Even though it seems surreal and unreachable we keep on wanting the presence of someone we don't even know about. And as the night sky unfolds, I feel its longing that's crumbling inside my heart.

This longing inside me has been piled up into a tower of grief that shoots bullets of pain and melancholy in my heart, in my whole system. It ripples to all parts of my body and makes me tremble with sorrow.

Seconds turn to minutes and minutes turn to hours, hours turn to days. Time is just slipping from my grasp as the night comes and embraces the day with its warm hug. I cannot get hold of it and so I just see it drifts away like the wind. I don't know how many days had already passed or how many nights had made me fall asleep but what I know is I keep on waiting for someone. I keep on longing for someone's presence. I don't know when it started, when I started to bear this feeling of seemingly emptiness in my heart; an emptiness of wanting someone to fill its gaping hole. But every day and night I just keep on looking far beyond the horizon into the evening sky, and long for a person I wish to be with every moment of my life.

I remember a friend telling me that we always tend to long and look for something that is unreachable and impossible. I guess its just natural. It is our nature to want something impossible, to long for something out of our grasp. It is because we are bound to make something impossible to possible. We always wish for the stars, we always hope for the moon, we always pray for the heaven to hear our hearts. And it would be a delightful feeling to achieve something that is at first quite impossible. It is always fulfilling to be successful at something like climbing a slippery slope on a snowy day.

And then I know these days my heart is always looking for someone impossible to even take a glimpse at. My heart is always jarring with the feeling of longing for someone far beyond the horizon I see every sunrise. My heart seems to hope for the impossible to happen. Can it be possible?

Because. . .

I am always longing for someone. 

I am always longing for you.