"Here's the secret kids. None of us can vow to be perfect. In the end all we can do is promise to love each other with everything we've got. Because love is the best thing we do.". This Quote by Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother sums up my whole story. This is just a fragment of the whole thing.I was socially awkward in 7th grade, bullied by everyone. Went home crying every single night. My world was dark. I hated myself, i hated everyone, I hated the world. I was innocent. Trusted too many people with things I should not of but all they did was stab me in the back. Emotional suicide was basically what happened. I couldn't do anything socially relevant but talk to the two friends I did have.... The world sucked. 7th grade year was the worst year of my life. I wanted to commit suicide but I never would. I couldn't do that to the people who actually cared about me. So i just thought of it and moved on. I only saw darkness ahead.
My summer I started going to a youth group. The world seemed to get a bit brighter. I told the pastor about my chronic depression and dark thoughts and he comforted me. I was becoming happy. something i had not been in quite some time. At the end of the year I told myself this would be the year I would find that person to make myself happy. this would be the year I would find love. This would be the year I broke out of my social cocoon. This would be MY year
The first day of 8th grade year. First time breaking out of my social cuccoon that I called social anxiety. Walking through the halls as the bell just rang. Kids rushing past. Loud noises everywhere. I swear either everyone had moved into a perfect tunnel so I could see her standing there or it was just a figment of my imagination. She was just so beautiful. I couldnt see anyone as beautiful as she was that day. Just standing in the hallway..... she took my breath away. All I could think to myself was "damn I hope she isn't a lower classman" I walked away and that was the first time I saw her. Awestruck and all. Still didnt even know who she was.... The girl in the blue shirt and kacki pants would be the girl.
I went through my next classes hoping to find the good truth that she was not an underclassman. She would be my age and be smart enough to be in any of my classes. I got frantic after 3 hours passed and no more sighting of her. Did not see her in the halls did not see her anywhere. Where was she? Who was she?
Bell rings in my 3rd period Science class. I tense up could the next class be with her? Could she be there? I walked a lonely road to that class. still very awkward and alone but that was me. I made it into math to look around the room. yes a friend! One of the guy friends I had was already in the room waiting for everyone to get in there. He was sitting in the front of the room. So I walk over and sit down. We were waiting for class to start when a group of 4 girls walk in. There she was again. Beautiful was all I could think. he was thinking of the other girls all I could think of was the other
She sat down near me. All i could hear was her voice. I new it was her voice because I learned to tune out all the others. Her voice was amazing. It was like a song you could hear over and over and over again. like a song you put on rewind. The song you keep playing because you cannot get enough of it.
And then the bell rang again. Passing period was over time to learn. But I was so distracted. She was sitting near me! How could I learn?
then the teacher says "Here is the seating chart" I think inside my head "shit she's not gunna be anywhere near me"
Then he decided that we were allowed to pick our own seats. Yes a sign of relief a sign that God was there and wanted me to be near her. Me and my friend take the seats practically right next to the group of girls. granted both of us were socially uninclined to talk to such beautiful girls as we would just make a fool of ourselves.
Then We decided it would be better to move to the other side of the room for this quarter and get use to the beauty of them then try to make our moves in nine weeks.
So we sat over in the other corner of the room actually paying attention in class. i know really weird.
Then class was over. I see her walkout and I walkout after her. She disappeared into a cloud of people
She was gone.... how could this be? She left so soon.
I move quickly to my next class. She wasn't in there. Sigh but it was a very interesting united states history class. I walk to English. still no sign of her. I then go to my last class of the day.... Bible
I went to a private school so Bible class was necessary in every year in order to graduate. I walk in and there she was again. The girl in blue.
She sits there so elegantly I move to the other side of the room so hopefully she doesn't spot me. I knew I could never get a girl like that the way I looked. I was ugly. Socially and physically ugly. This teacher decided that a seating chart would be necessary. So he puts me in the seat next to her. Granted our last names were very close so we always got sat next to each other in classes we had.
I just couldn't pay attention in that class because I could not talk to her. I just sat there trying to find words to say. I didn't even say "Hi" I couldn't say Hi she was just so perfect
I sat there waiting for words to come out but the first day of school was over
She leaves and Im sitting there still. What had i done? Why couldn't I speak? Why this girl?
Day 1 had passed I said nothing to her. Still did not even know her name....
I couldn't sleep that night. All i could think of was this girl. What was she going to wear the next day? Could she be as beautiful the next day as she was that day? Will I ever talk to her? What will I say to her?
The night dragged on and on I couldn't sleep
Was it insomnia? Was it just thoughts not coming together?
Was it love?
The next couple days I began to break out socially. I talked to everyone. Quite frankly I could care less of what others thought of me anymore. Well technically that one girl's thoughts I did care of. But thats something different. I became really good friends with this one girl named Brianna. She was in my 1st period P.E. class. We talked about everything. My guy friends and I the only depth of our conversations were "bro did you see that killcam I got on cod last night" "yea it was sick nasty" It was kinda refreshing talking to someone who could actually talk
I found out who the girl's friend group was. It wasn't the popular girls suprisingly as she had a bubbly personality to fit in with them. But she stayed in the middle class of girls. I was never a popular guy. I hated the populars all they were was tools who were kinda attractive to females. Thank god this girl was not a slut.
I remember going over to my friends house for a sleepover. those were the bees knees back in the day. but then again we were middle schoolers. it was fricking awesome! I always had fun with him. That was the height of my gaming career. I really only got into gaming and youtube because of my depression. It made me go into my own little paradise
We went on his macbook and went on to Facebook as that was the coolest social media back in the day. I didn't have a smartphone either so that was the only thing I could go onto social media that is. I went and logged on. And nothing was there. I wanted her to friend me so bad. I wanted to know her name.
I finally was smart enough to listen to the teacher when they were calling her name while taking role in my last class of the day. I don't know why I didn't any of the other times. It was just pure ignorance on my half to not know it. I was so mesmerized by her I guess I lost basic hearing functions or something of the sorts. But above that I hear him call "Mykell" and she responds "Present" shocking a student would say they were present
Good gollie I finally found out what her name was!
Well my friends always encouraged me to sit with her at lunch. Both the guys and the one girl friend I did have. they both wanted me to talk to her. And I was so scared. how would i eat in front of her? How would i be able to talk and eat at the same time as staring at her?
I always told them no
I finally got over the whole didn't know what to say when i finally got the balls to say hi when she walked into class. She responded with a good old "hey" back and walked away
I was so happy
The special girl in my life said something directed towards me!
it took me forever but i finally said something to her
and she responded
i was so happy
Like it was like waking up at Christmas when I was a kid. That sense of pure joy happened in my life right at that moment
It was something simple
but i was just filled with joy
The world was so bright. I could see everything. Everything was going my way. School was working. Friends were actually not backstabbers. and i knew her name
