It's time to move on

Chapter 20 - All I need is him and him alone (A)

This is harder than I thought; leaving Jason behind. A while ago it felt the right thing to do when I saw the pained look on his face after my confession. But now, I don't know if I can do it; I know he doesn't love me, yet I can't stay away from him. It's nearly two hours since he left me in the park and I already miss him; how can I stay forever away from him? That's not possible or maybe I will get used to it.

I should have told him the complete truth and let him decide, instead I ran away like I always did. I know it's time to move on, but this time I can't. I really can't leave him behind; I love him so much that it literally pains my heart knowing I can never see the beautiful smile that he only gives me, I can never feel safe and protected in his arms anymore and that I can never kiss him like he is all I needed.

I don't think I can do this anymore. It's been ten minutes since the taxi left but here I am, still standing on the airport's curb unable to get inside, with my legs feeling like jelly and my mind having an argument of its own.

"What are you doing here?" I heard a familiar voice to my left and turned around only to be greeted with the person I am running away from; Jason

How did he reach so fast? I thought he wouldn't go to our hotel room until midnight since he might not want to see me. But here he is, face flushed and looked like he ran a marathon.

"Why didn't you leave?" he asked slowly with moist eyes, his voice cracking.

"I couldn't leave you" I said barely in a whisper lowering my head.

He tilted my chin up with a small smile and said "I am glad you didn't"

When I didn't reply anything he took a step back and continued "I am sorry Anns, I really am. I shouldn't have said those things to you but that doesn't mean I don't trust you. I was shocked and angry, that's it. I don't want to lose you, please give me one more chance to prove myself"

How can I leave now, when he said those beautiful words to me? How did I get lucky to find a man like him? How can a guy be so sweet?

I know I still didn't get an answer for my confession and I don't know if he will ever love me back the way I do but I don't care about anything else, now that I realized all I need is him and him alone.

I nodded and ran into his arms unable to control the tears any longer and held him tight while he wound his arms around my waist pulling me closer.

"Shush.. Please don't cry. I hate it when you do, especially when I am the reason" he said softly.

Wiping the tears off my face and trying to smile I replied "I won't"

"That's my girl" He said with a lopsided smile and pulled me towards his car while carrying my bag.

I must have looked like an idiot to him when he saw me at the entrance of the airport; I wrote a good bye letter, packed my luggage and came here only to stay behind like a fool.

The drive was silent and it took 50 minutes with the heavy traffic to reach the hotel. Finally when we reached the room I slowly said "I want to tell you what happened"

"It can wait Anns, you are tired" he mumbled with a sigh.

"No. I don't want this to repeat again, I want you to know"

"I pretty much have an idea what happened. But if you're sure you want to, please continue"

I don't know how much he deduced but I want him to know the complete truth this time.

I know remembering all of that will bring nothing but pain but he has the right to know especially after what happened today. If telling the truth gives me a chance to be with him, then I am ready to endure any kind of pain. And so I slowly started "All of this mess started five years ago when my dad lost his job. He was a commodity broker while my mom was a finance adviser; they had me when they were still in high school. We were a happy family once; everything was perfect"