Into the infinite

Palmetto

Let's go back to where it all began. After occupy wall streets first encampment tucked away in a little apartment in bushwick.

What can I say it was a rough day. I barely broke even with my usual expenses and well I felt like shit so I figured me and my girl would smash a bottle of cheap georgi vodka and some reggie pot. It was a typical night. We were still cleaning up after the christmas party Eli and Dr. J threw almost a month ago. A half stripped Santa hung from the north window. No one suspected when Jake started letting a few comrades crash at his four bedroom vacant apartment it would turn into this. It was only last month I went to drop Jake off with his actual roommates. Now they all left and it's just us. The underbelly of occupy wall street. But then again we hardly all knew each other way back then. Recently evicted from our encampment by of course the nypd it was nice to be around the same like minded creative people. We climb up our piss covered stairs hearing the roar of voices and no ways!. Everyone sprawled out on his living room floor as usual with stints of every different kind of wasted you can imagine. We fended for ourselves yet it was still all for one one for all. If you were without chances are someone was always there to help you out or at least barter your wares. The bigger room had my favorites all lined against the wall. The filthy educated and soft spoken librarians of the occupation. I liked them because they never got too loud or obnoxious just really kept to themselves until shit hit the fan. C smiles at me while sipping the clear glass I had beside me and its the dillenger escape plan blasting throughout the room. The vibe was pretty chill even though I have not in fact seen the kid yet. He must still be out and about in the city. I didn't mutter over it too much once Jenn passed the blunt around. I find myself in the usual swilly finding a nice soft place on the floor to rest my tits and spinning head. Luckily I felt safe within my library friends. I always did.
Once I woke up I noticed everything within my possession baggies too were gone before me. This was infuriating along with the sizable vodka headache I had. Finding the nearest white t shirt beside me I had to get to the bottom of this. Nobody steals from my ass. And simply put my fellow comrades were sometimes afraid of me. I grew this gumption being around them partly not giving a fuck and partly unwilling to deal with anyone elses shit. I was that bitch. I drew the white paneled doors back to find others I did not see before. And then my eyes met him. These bugged out bright chestnut eyes surrounded by long strands of faded dark waves. I think this is where I lost my mind. In lue of my freckled cheeks getting red as hell I screamed I yelled who the fuck took my stash? And with sheer nerve I drew myself closer to this dark tall man and said just who the fuck are you? Because shouting will fix this. I don't think he was expecting that he was at a loss of words in a way. It almost seemed like a woman had never spoken to him like this before. He muttered a sheepish sorry at me and shot me a smile. Christ. Thats a smile I could wake up to. Or at the very least watch it make a perfect o shape. Now I just want to get him alone. Ah but how and when. Its been a few months for me. I try to paint myself as a patient woman. I also didn't want to give this gorgeous stranger a reason to think I was this tremendous slut. But a bitch has needs. And my teenage self finds him to be such a dreamboat. The kid grabbed my arm explained he was his friend and needed to get out of town aka to brooklyn. I rolled my eyes and went to bed. What I was not expecting was this gorgeous stranger sitting on our couch the next morning still as I prepared myself for yet another day of spange and cooking for mean ungrateful street kids. He smiled at me again and asked my name .. "Its Brigid " under my breath still trying to give off this bitchy vibe. "I'm Louis" he says as he fixes his converse. "Well Louis if you wanna smoke later maybe hang out I'll be back" as I push the heavy front door away. Damnit girl. Now you can't get him out of your head. From the moment I hopped on the J train sat on the pavement and circled back I could not get the image of his beautiful layered hair and brown eyes fixated on me. I felt so vulnerable. This is how I fuck up by doing too little or too much. But lets get real here. I'm slumping against the subway pole looking manic as other people are just staring at my ass. Someone that gorgeous has to have someone somewhere loving him. If he even didn't this would be just sex hes not from the city. I clutch my measely $30 at the bodega counter for some cheap brew and a game wrap. And once I found myself upstairs in the warmth taking off my shoes I saw him just simply hanging with my friends. He's pretty funny. Topical stories from the island. I'm willing to bet money he's a wap. He had these firm muscles painted over with olive skin and black ink tattoos with these beautiful aqua marine flames descending his forearms. Who the fuck gets a cat tattooed to their wrist? Was that his cat? I never felt more intrigued or turnt on. He was something a sculptor would use for a muse but also cartoonish in nature. He was real. Then I hear snickering from the damn couch. I knew this guy from the park occupation by the name of Lee. He was smart intuitive and one of the best cooks I ever worked with. Watching me gushing over some random guy he just had to mock me from across the room. Dumbass is right you need to chill out. Hes throwing wadded up paper at me. We smoked all together laughed and made stupid jokes. I felt this wasn't quite speeding up fast enough to where I needed it to be which was inside me. So whilst Jenn was comparing her ass to the young ones I felt it was my time to shine. So I dropped my pants halfway and felt the need to just show off. Looking back I wish I had not but hey gotta stand out in a crowd somehow right? I sat back down after getting cheers and such from my friends I suppose for being ballsy. I could feel the heat from my cheeks radiating the room. Oh jeez. He glances at me now I almost felt pitied underneath this weird pink blanket. I continued talking to my friends while the blunt gets smaller and smaller. I could sense my time which I now ruined with Louis. I felt a different kind of warmth embrace my hand. Long fingers interlacing mine. It was him. Still smiling at me everyone else disappears out of the room leaving just the two of us. I giggle as he lifts his hand to my face lowering his. If there was a chance my heart would escape my chest this would be it entirely. Every kiss from him felt like a proclamation something I never felt before. I was scared but I was so so hungry for more. Every tug at each others clothes and touching his skin for the first time has always left a mark on my soul. Like the softest velvet but he felt so strong. My body never felt so passionate about a one night stand. This was unlike me. I'm used to just doing the deed and forever getting kicked out of another mans bed. I waited till he dosed off and put my jeans on I felt his hand embrace my back. I hesitated still scared I don't want to wrap myself in someone who can't possibly be mine. This was the first time I laid beside him and my god he was so warm. Probably the sweetest sleep I have received in a very very long time. But don't fall too deep girl. You hardly know this guy. I felt kisses on my neck and a pile of mcdoubles next to me upon waking up. He got us some food and wanted to be nice. Again not used to this at all. I smiled and thanked him with the smallest kiss on his forehead with gratitude. I had to venture out into the city that day meetings marches and such so this would be a deciding factor. He put those converse back on and followed myself and jenn out the door. His hand clasping mine almost immediately I find myself lost from that moment on wanting to know more. I found myself twirling his long layered strands around my fingers naked on top of this olive skinned beautifully muscular man. I told him everything about myself. He grew up in a far richer island. A place I only visited as a child for special things and the rich people beach. I began to test if this was actually a fling with romance in my delusional mind so I had him do things like meet my parents in a furniture store hung over after doing two lines of coke each. I showed him what I lost in my life what I abandoned and the stellar job I threw away because at the time I felt like being a total relentless drunk piece of shit was the right path. Spoiler alert. It wasn't. Nor did it actually scare him off like it had so many before him. Louis marveled and adored me like I was the only girl in the entire world. He did for years. He had his own baggage I was trusted with over time. It felt like so much more than a meaningful connection. More than anything he made me feel safe. Every kiss every date to mcdonalds coupled with stolen netflix movies and an absolutely terrible dime bag was all I needed. There was nothing I couldn't speak to him about. Little kitty noises and inside jokes became the foundation of our love. My friends were surprised and pretty happy for me after succumbing to his jokes and the young one vouching for his sheer coolness. It was perfection beyond my wildest most free dreams. Not every single day was easy but like I said before if you are without there is always someone to help . Louis is very kind hearted in nature always offering to clean or move stuff when needed That and well cooking and feeding everyone for months kind of built myself a decent reputation. Needless to say the street kids loved my homefries and eggs. Once your used to being homeless you have no choice but to look beyond peoples issues and choices. At the end of the day we all wait in the same line to use the bathroom at starbucks to clean ourselves. This was and my only true experience of humanity in the pure jungle. From sitting on a sidewalk begging for change to marching in the street yelling at those same brokers nothing will teach you more about people and what they are really about than being homeless on the streets of new york city. Now also I should also tell you there is almost no way to survive on these streets without dipping into the illegal stuff. Usually the choice between feeding oneself and hygiene isn't a common thing for most people but when your homeless it certainly is. We would shoplift in groups from chain pharmacy stores with K Mart to marshalls on 34th because well the store and its employees were ancient. And you simply can't as a human being wear the same clothes for a solid month. Hygiene products from the local shelter couldn't get shit off of your hands. Yes I'm paving excuses but when all your doing is surviving there is simply no time to think about the consquences of your actions. When a cop wakes you at 3am on the subway because you fell asleep feeling his batton poking your ribs it develops into ptsd. As a community we had all had some kind of trauma response by the time spring had come around. I felt despite all the constant fear and well just bad things happening around me it became alot easier to deal with as long as he is by my side. We found fun in pretty much everything we did. It would be -30 degrees with no money and dumpstered sandwiches yet we still smiled and held each other. One morning after we made love I kissed the nape of his neck rolling my body from him he took his hand and swept the side of my cheek lifting my face to meet his on this dirty mattress on the floor. "I love you" he said with intention and fear in his eyes. This moment is forever.