Rough Drafts

Obsessive Friendship Disorder

"I'm sorry, but your daughter has Obsessive Friendship Disorder."

I'm sure someone told that to her parents at some point. Would it be a sad thing to hear that your daughter has become so popular that she has become addicted to making friends? I believe the saying is, "too much of a good thing."

Ah, but what does that have to do with an average high school boy? Way more than that boy would have appreciated actually. Yeah, I think this is more than enough information to tell my story properly.

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When I walked into my house I was greeted by a scene that I didn't expect, partly because of my status of "friendless loser." What greeted my sight was a high school girl, with short black hair and striking purple eyes. Okay, that wasn't the weird part.

I at least hope I wasn't that pathetic in high school. Whatever, more importantly, the girl was currently squirming on the floor with her clothes in complete disarray. Oh, and let's not forget that she was rubbing her face against a potted plant while asking in the most I can't believe this isn't a horror movie voice, "Will you be my friend?"

After quickly running through my steps to surviving life, I came to a conclusion. This situation required a tactical nope-ing the hell out of there. I made a quick 180 degree turn to quietly and quickly leave when my phone dinged from a text. It was then that I realized life really is a horror movie.

The last thing I heard before making an all-out dash was, "Friend?"

I ran with all the speed a nonathletic high schooler could manage. I other words, slightly faster than a turtle with slight trace of snail mixed in. I found myself wondering where the hell my parents were, since they should have been home by now. As I glanced back I came to the realization that I was so screwed.

The girl was in mid-leap screaming, "BE MY FRIEND!"

I grab my phone from my pocket in the hopes of quickly dialing 911, but it flew out of my hand as the girl knocked me to the ground. From my pinned position I could finally see the text that I had received earlier. It read "Surprise! We set you up on date!"

My sole thought was, "Oh, come on, why does something so simple have to backfire so horribly?"

That's how I met the girl who couldn't go a week without making a friend. I would say she was a demon or something of the like, but that would also backfire in its own special kinda way. Yes, my story is one of helping a girl whose addicted to friendship.

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Name: Alice Shudoku

Academics: Straight A Student

Athletics: Captain of the Tennis Team

Popularity: Over 9000 Friends

Current Status: Friendship Addict