Depression for most is not the end. Most people get over depression shoving it down into a dark past, others can get therapeutic help; medicine, counseling,etc.
Me on the other hand have no clue what to say or even do at times. My depression is full of not only sadness but hatred, hatred of my father.
When I was younger all I've ever wanted to do was be like my father, a war veteran, (at the time) a loving father that could help me with anything I needed. Recently, I've realized I don't want to be like that man I call father. He at times hates all of our guts and recently he gets mad and throws actual real punches and hits.
My father has Cataplexy ( a sudden and transient episode of muscle weakness accompanied by full conscious awareness, typically triggered by emotions such as laughing, crying, or terror ) my father unlike the dictionary meaning gets them from being angry. If he gets angry he just kinda falls to the floor, but recently he's been fighting it and actually trying to hit us when he does get angry at us.
I feel really depressed especially when he fights the attacks and comes at us. I hate my life most of the time. I get over this by realizing I could have it worse. I've wanted to go to the military like my father since I was 3, now I'm 15 and I do t know if I want to follow the same path he did. If I could have anything in this pitiful life it would be to not be like him. I have friends who help without knowing it, I don't tell my friends much about myself, not even my girlfriend knows it all. I want to tell her but at the same time I don't want to put such a burden on her, especially because my mother already doesn't like her and she has so much going on in her life right now that I don't think she could take anymore.
