Shy VS Dominant

CHAPTER 20: Messed Up

PARKER

I couldn't control myself. It had been a few days and she kept blowing me off. She knew better just like I knew she wasn't really working on her book or nothing like what she said.

Doesn't matter anyways, I did punish her and hopefully taught her a lesson. Although that reminds me of the red marks I left on her ass cheeks. They were so red and sore that I felt real bad. Thankfully it wasn't too hard and she would feel better in the morning.

She has been doing something to me and I can't allow it. I mean, for fuck sake she even ruined the other night when I had an old friend of mine that used to be my Sub a couple of years back, when she came into town and we went to a nice dinner then went back to her hotel and right when it got down to it, I couldn't do anything with her. All I could fucking think about was Macey.

But I don't do relationships and have good reasons as to why. So the first thing I need to do is need to stop kissing her like I did that other night when I dropped her off after we had dinner with her Publisher and that Director and how I just kissed her again like that upstairs.

I'm sure she probably feels confused now and I don't want that. I can't risk losing what we have. Damnit why is this so fucking hard for me? We can't do this. Yeah, I'm doing the right thing.

So the minute she came walking downstairs towards the kitchen with a smile on her face, I knew at that moment why she was smiling. So I stopped her halfway from walking up to me.

"Listen, I want to apologize to you." I started.

"Apologize for what? I told you the punishment was something I deserved." She smiles in a seductive and yet cute way.

"Not for that. I mean, yes, I shouldn't have spanked you that hard but I'm talking about the kiss." I mention.

Right away I can tell that kind of hurt her as she tries to quickly cover up the pain with a smile.

"Oh that, don't worry, I figured it was all part of the fun. Trust me, I don't take things like that seriously. Remember? This is just a business transaction. Not a relationship." She smiles at me.

Wow, just hearing my own words being thrown at me like that really hurts and sounds different from what I had thought it sounded.

"Good." I half smiled.

Did I want it to mean something? I guess a part of me did or does but again, I could never risk it. Not when I have what I have going on right now. Not to mention that she's not someone who seems would be interested in me if she found out my past and I especially can't risk Walker finding out. He could always try and use her against me like he did with.....Well it doesn't matter anymore because it'll never happen.

Besides, not trying to sound all cliche and everything but it's true that it's better this way and I need to stay true to who I had become over the past few years. The no- strings-attached-kind-of-a-guy. Feelings make you weak anyways. Then people get hurt.

"Parker?" I hear her say my name and snaps me out of my thoughts then returns back to the moment.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"I was just saying goodnight." She says to me.

"Oh, goodnight." I tell her.

She looks at me with a look of concern and some worry but I try and assure her with a forced yet convincing smile that I'm okay.

A few moments later, she starts walking out towards her car and I go to see her out.

I know that what I said and how I mentioned the 'meaningless' kiss had hurt her and that upset me. Made me become angry and a little disgusted with myself.

Next I heard my phone start to go off and I immediately had a smile on my face as I saw it was my sister.

Why did I have to have be so fucked up in my life before? Why couldn't I have been smarter and done things better?

Next chapter will be posted soon! :)