Mid-Day Rain.

bed room

I lay awake in my bed. I'm not really trying to sleep but I don't care to get up. 'I don't care" You know it's funny how words or phrases can follow you around like they're chasing you to end of the earth. I used to care so much but now, I'm laying in my bed, not moving just staring at the ceiling. I lay there trying not to think, but just to be blank, not wanting my mind to wander to places that I don't want it to go.

My phone buzzes and shakes me from the empty state I put myself in. My phone rests on my piano. I used to love playing,I was good too, I wonder vaguely about when I stopped caring about that too.

I walk across my bed room to check my phone. It's Emma , another thing I used to care so much about. Now I could care less, I wonder if I'll ever go back to normal. I shake my head and take a breath.

I can't think like that ,I just need to try to care about her at the very least I won't lose her too.

em

Do you need anything

I pause for a moment that simple question made my stomach turn. How was I supposed to answer. What would cause her to worry the least, what do I even need, what do I even want. That last question was the most crushing.what I want is to be out of this god damned suit, I want to not have to act strong because my dad and sister will shatter like glass,I want to hide until the world goes away, I want my mom back .I stop myself at that last part.I can't start that now. I can't think about her now. I can feel the tears well up in my eyes and my hands start shaking , I take a deep breath , I need to think in the short term. What I want is my best friend and ice cream. Yeah that's what I need. My phone buzzes again

em

Do you want me to come over?

Cristipher

Yeah bring the chocolatyist ice cream you can find

em

You bet :)

I crack a smile for the first time in what feels like forever . I savor the moment, it's odd how much you can miss something you used to do so much. I take one last deep breath before walking out into my living room.