...but it's her

Chapter 1

It was late afternoon and Clint and his family had welcomed Wanda into their house.
The girl didn't have a place to stay anymore and the archer's house seemed the safer place.
As soon as she walked through the door, she realized that she couldn't stay in that place so full of children, she needed to stay alone from everyone for a moment, so she asked Laura to be allowed to go in what would have been her new room.

Wanda entered the guest room, she closed the door and looked around the room. It seemed only yesterday when she walked out of the Avengers Facility, after she put on her fighting suit, to go in Wakanda with Steve, Natasha and the other members of the team.
Five years.
She had lost five years of her life and as it seemed, it wasn't even the most important thing that she had lost.

"You took everything from me".

That sentence, full of desperation, kept echoing into her head endlessly and it seemed to drain it every second. Her mind flyed to Vision and an incredible guilt took over every part of her body. The savage and painful way she was forced to kill him it would not be easy to forget. He had been her boyfriend for a very long time. He was sweet and cute and, even though she couldn't understand his spirit, she was very affectionate to him.

Affectionate.

Like he had been an old friend.
As much as she loved him she had never been able to give him all herself. There was always something to stop her, that didn't let her pronounce those two words that seemed to be so crucial in other relationships, but, luckly, he didn't give to them so much importance.
Wanda hided herself behind that "I just feel you" that Vision often seemed to repeat with all the feeling he was able to show, to prevent to reveal the hidden truth behind those words: that love wasn't what she felt for him.
With time she understood that the only feeling that connected them was just affection that as much as she tried, she couldn't turn into something more.
Her past, made of Hydra Experiments, torture and death, had tighten up her heart, making her not only unable to scan all the feelings it hided, but also of expose those feellings that she felt very well but was afraid of show them to herself in the first place.
For this reason, at the beginning she was sure of feeling something for him, she hoped that, she fooled herself that was that way, but the truth was different.

But, after all, losing him had destroyed her.
He was her anchor, her best friend, the person that, even though he was just an advanced artificial intelligence, was one of the nicest and sweetest people that she ever met.
She closed her eyes and inspired.
She didn't want to keep going along with those thoughts, because she knew that, sooner or later, she would have collide with the awful reality that she learned during that hours, the one she feared the most.
She opened her eyes, realizing that her legs were trembling, without knowing if it was for tiredness or the weight of the situation, so she sat, without any strenght, on her bed.
She looked around the room, realizing that room was very similar to the one at the base, and this realization gave her a moment of rest. It was nice to have something familiar after five years in which a lot of thing had changed.
But after a few seconds, a little detail, a photo on the nightstand next to the bed, brought back into her mind that person she would never forget.
She was trying, in every way, to send away those memories of the years spent together, of that woman, of that night, of those feelings, but it was all too strong to be fought.
Another bulky, heavy, heartbreaking sense of guilt gripped her chest, making difficult to even breath.

Natasha.

Just thinking about that name gave her the impression of skipping a beat. She couldn't believe that she would have never see her again, that she would no longer hear her deep voice, feeling her constant protection even when it wasn't necessary or her sweet perfume that flooded through the base when she wasn't on a mission, she would no longer spent nights sharing the most hidden and intimate secrets or see her beautiful contagious smile. She would no longer admire her while she juggled with elegance and strenght with her magnetic way to fight, almost hypnotic. She'd never see Natasha again, her Natasha.