You drive me round the bend - l.s

Chapter 10

Louis didn't have his charger and his phone was dead.

He stared at the blank screen of his phone, hands still shaking. They couldn't seem to stop.

Was Harry right? Is this the kind of person I am?

For one horrifying second he thought he might have to go back to Harry's room and ask him to call the taxi from his phone. Then his brain kicked into gear and he was padding downstairs, not even bothering to flick on the lights as he wandered into the kitchen where the only landline in the house was pinned to the wall.

He called the information centre for a phone number and called the taxi in a strange kind of haze, not even realising he'd done it until he was hanging up. He felt too much, and he didn't know how to deal with it.

He walked out of the house and over to the main gate, waiting for the headlights to show up. He'd told them on the phone his cell was dead but he'd be waiting right here.

It was almost stifling hot outside, the humid air clinging to his clammy skin, gravel sticking to his bare feet. He shivered and slipped past the gate, sitting down with his back against one of the brick walls flanking the carved iron bars of the gate.

Louis had never been a saint. He'd fucked up so many things in his life without a second thought and maybe that's why... maybe that's why Harry's words settled in the pit of his stomach like boulders. Because he'd been trying to change, to be a better person. But maybe he hadn't changed at all.

I let him in, I thought—

Thought what? That he'd finally found someone he could imagine being with? Eventually falling in love with?

Louis choked back the hysterical laugh pushing its way out of his throat. He'd always known he was hard to love. He'd learned not to mind. Not even Mum loved all of him, and that was... fine. Okay. There was nothing Louis could do to change it.

He still remembered that night back in London when home had felt so far away and he'd felt so bloody alone, stuck in the middle of nowhere, sharing dorms with boys who wouldn't stop picking on him because he'd been smaller, more sensitive. He'd snuck out then, hopping on the tube with nothing but twenty quid and a little scrap of paper with his mother's address on it in his pocket.

He'd been thirteen and crying when his mother had opened the door to let him in. She hadn't let him stay. Not enough room, not with all his sisters around.

The house had two stories.

She'd taken him back to the dorms the next morning. And maybe that was when Louis had realised that if he didn't stand up for himself, he couldn't expect anyone else to.

Every year on his birthday she'd call to tell him she'd sent him a gift, not spending more then ten minutes on the phone.

It was... whatever. Louis didn't need her. Didn't need anyone. He'd just have to try harder. Be better. For himself.

****

Harry stared blankly at the empty doorway, just... how could he have misjudged this so fucking bad?

His limbs felt too heavy when he finally moved, dressing up slowly, holding himself back from running after Louis.

He doesn't want to see you. He wants you to leave him the fuck alone.

The way Louis had looked at him when the realisation hit, it... Harry had hurt him. He'd never thought he even could. He felt like he'd swallowed a handful of lead and now it was sitting at the bottom of his stomach, refusing to budge.