Summertime Sadness

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"Shortcake, what are you doing here?" Billy asked as he exited the community pool in his usual jeans, boots and a white tank. "I came to see if we could hang out tonight" I grinned wrapping my arms around his neck and stepping on my tiptoes to kiss him. I lost myself into the kiss enjoying the warmth of his arms around me and the taste that was all Billy. It was cigarettes, mint toothpaste and something distinctly Billy Hargrove. We finally pulled apart to breath and I couldn't help but smile proudly at the dark glint in his eyes and the smirk on his lips. "I wish. Get me more of that" he grinned ducking his head and touching our lips together briefly before pulling back again. "I can't tonight baby. I gotta head to the shop" he sighed squeezing my hips until I backed up out of his hold "Oh come on Billy" I whined staring at the blonde who was running a hand through his hair "Again? You've been working at the pool every day and going to the shop every night after for the past three weeks" I complained finally letting my annoyance with the man break through "I'm sorry Pipsqueak. I just can't tonight" he shrugged slightly, reaching forward to pull me into a hug and kiss before he was getting into his Camaro and driving off leaving me standing alone in the empty public pool parking lot. An angry puff of air left my lips as I dropped my skateboard to the ground and started to skate home since I had no other plans. On the one hand I was glad I had moved in with Hopper and El because at least I had something to take my mind off of my boyfriend and his constant disappearing instead of sitting in the old house all by myself but on the other hand I knew Mike would show up at some point which meant it would be Hopper and I watching TV reruns for the 16th night in a row. Not that I didn't love quality time with Hopper but it was getting a little old sitting at home with my dad, little sister and her boyfriend every night. Most kids my age were hanging out with friends and going to parties, and here I was sitting at home. It's not even like I could hit Jonathon, Nancy or Steve up anymore either. Jonathon and Nancy were constantly working or spending time together and Steve was busy working and taking summer courses to try and get into college.

Groaning loudly I stomped into the cabin slamming the door shut and falling onto the couch with a huff still angry at Billy for not spending time with me. "What's wrong?" El asked quietly walking out of her bedroom with Mike on her arm making me jump almost a mile high. "Jesus I didn't think you'd be home yet." I gasped holding a hand to my chest as I regained my normal breathing pattern. "Just a disagreement with Billy. Nothing you two need to worry about" I paused looking at the two and giving them a soft smile "How was Dustin's coming home surprise?" I asked knowing they had all went to the boy's house to greet him on his return from a month long camp. "It was good" Eleven nodded "After he sprayed Lucas in the eyes with hairspray because he thought we were intruders" Mike added making me cringe "Oh poor Lucas" I murmured before looking at the boy in front of me with an arched eyebrow "I didn't think you were supposed to be here if Hop or I weren't home" I commented watching as he floundered for an answer "But you're here now" Eleven grinned dragging Mike back into the bedroom the door closing most of the way. "Dude, door open. I don't want Hopper chewing my ass out when he gets home because you and your boyfriend are too busy sucking face" I called turning my attention back to the TV as the door creaked open a couple more inches followed by the radio turning on. Rolling my eyes at the teenagers I let myself zone out and become entranced by the moving pictures. "Fuck" I jumped off the couch as the door slammed open and Hopper stepped in "Watch your mouth" he muttered throwing his jacket on the hook before collapsing into his chair and dropping his head into his hands. "Rough day?" I asked softly curling my legs underneath me and turning to face him resting my arms on the edge of the couch and my chin on my arms. "Extremely" he sighed leaning back and running a hair over his head before looking at me quizzically.

"You and Billy get into another fight?" he asked softly making me snort "If you can constitute a fight as him telling me he's too busy to hang out again" I shrugged having gone through this same song and dance most nights for the past two weeks. "What happened today? Flo forget to buy coffee again?" I teased knowing he had almost shot Powell for being annoying the last time she forgot "No, that conspiracy theorist came back today. Claims he had new information on Russians infiltrating Hawkins and reopening the lab" he sighed making me cringe remembering the first time this guy had shown up. Hopper flew into a panic induced rage and El and I hadn't been allowed to leave the house for three days until he checked to make sure no one had been inside the condemned lab. "Anything actually sound?" I questioned doubting it since Russians in Hawkins was about as far-fetched as dogs in space. "Same shit as last time" he sighed "El and Mike in her room?" he questioned nodding his head towards her door "Yeah. Only had to tell her to open the door once" I grinned snickering at the eye roll he gave me. "Wheeler are you staying for dinner?" he called Eleven and Mike appearing in the doorway with twin smiles on their faces. "No, my mom wants me home early tonight" he shrugged heading for the door. "I'll walk you out to the road" Hopper nodded getting to his feet and following the small boy outside leaving El and I alone. "Are you and Billy going to be okay?" She asked softly both of us moving into the kitchen to get dinner started. Hopper portioned out vegetables, a meat and another side into trays at the beginning of the week. I guess he had started it when Eleven first began living with him finding it easier to make sure the girl remembered to eat dinner and ate something more substantial than just Eggo waffles. "Can you grab three trays" I sighed ignoring her question as Hopper returned and dug through the fridge pulling out milk, filling three glasses before he took his seat at the table. "Piper?" Eleven prodded making me sigh heavily.

"I don't really wanna talk about it El." I sighed taking the second tray out of the microwave and popping the third in before turning to face her. "Take Hopper his food and go eat" I murmured giving her a small smile before turning back to the microwave, but not before catching Hopper's unimpressed look in my direction. "It isn't good to keep it all bottled in Kid. You gotta talk to someone" he sighed leaning his elbows on the table and watching me as I carried my tray over and sat across from him. "I'll be fine Hop. If I need to talk I'll talk" I mumbled peeling back the tinfoil and digging in hoping he would drop the subject. "The bags under your eyes, the screams that fill the cabin when you do finally fall asleep and the constant snapping at your sister says otherwise" He snapped making me groan in annoyance "I just wanna fucking eat and go lay down okay." I sighed "I don't want to fucking talk about the nightmares, I don't want to talk about not sleeping and I sure as fucking shit don't want to talk about Billy stupid fucking Hargrove" I snapped inhaling deeply to try and calm down before I said anything else. "I'm gonna finish eating and go to my room" I muttered shoveling food in my mouth as quickly as I could before getting up from my seat and cleaning my place. "I'll be in my room" I mumbled keeping my head down as I closed myself into my room finally able to let the tears fall releasing all the pent up anger and sadness. I changed out of my clothes into a pair of boy short underwear and one of Billy's button ups inhaling the faintly lingering cologne of the boy. Curling up in bed I pulled my blankets up to my waist and stared at the wall letting my tears fall until they stopped of their own accord. I rolled my eyes at the knock that sounded on the wall before Hopper pulled back the curtain and stepped through. "I know you don't wanna talk but I do" he grumbled pulling my desk chair out and around until he was sitting in front of my face.

"This" he gestured to the walls around us and the state of me curled up in bed with tear tracks on my face. "This isn't handling it Kid" he sighed running a hand over his head "I'm so tired" I whispered admitting defeat, admitting that I'm not as strong and okay as I wanted everyone to believe. I suppose it's a lot easier to pretend everything is fine around people you don't see and people that don't hear you screaming in pain and fear in the middle of the night. "I know Piper, I know" he sighed leaning forward and taking my hands in his. "Maybe we need to get you into a doctor" he murmured making me snort "I'm not going to a damn doctor. And don't even suggest a therapist" I whispered "There's no way they wouldn't lock me up if I told them the shit that keeps me up at night" I laughed quietly sniffling and removing one of my hands to wipe away the new tears falling down my cheeks. "Try and get some sleep. El and I will be awake for a few hours yet. Better now than when we're both sleeping" he sighed, he knew when to give up thankfully. "I'll try" I agreed watching him walk out before I turned back to the wall smiling softly at the pictures decorating it. The things I looked at to try and keep my thoughts positive and stay happy when it feels like everything is crashing down around me. Taking a deep breathe I closed my eyes and slowed my breathing trying not to let my fear of what I would see keep me from falling asleep. This was definitely not what I would tell people about when they asked me how my summer went, no one was supposed to be this sad and withdrawn in the summer. I was being overwhelmed by my sadness and I was afraid it would start to consume everything.


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