Larry Stylinson | Fanfics

It Hurts

Written by: @living_larryx // IG

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  I'm Harry Styles. Yes, I'm a part of One Direction. Yes, I'm in love with my best mate, Louis Tomlinson. Yes...I'm a boy. A male. A man. A bloke. I have a dick. That's a problem, being a male instead of female. Louis hasn't the slightest idea I love him..he's in fact..straight. "Hazz! Come here!", I heard Louis giggle from where I was, the kitchen. He was sitting in the living room, his laptop opened up to Twitter. I smiled. "Yeah, Lou?", I came up from behind him, leaning on the back of the couch. He smelled like Old Spice...I mean, he always did. I buy his shampoo. "Everyone thinks we love each other.", Louis scoffed and my heart cracked. I forced a smile. All of the fans suspected Louis and I were in a relationship. They always thought our feelings were mutual. He was never serious about me, only joking. I should've known that before I fell in love with the blue eyed boy. "I wish I could tweet them back. But, I'd get in loads of trouble. El already has.", Louis grinned saying her name. I tried to compose myself, but as Louis scrolled through our pictures and Manips the fans made and tweeted, my eyes were welling up with tears. Louis was laughing, shaking his head. In all of the pictures, it looked like he liked me back...but that wasn't the case. Everyone knows...Of course, that I love him. His family, my family, the boys...all but him. I bit my lip as Louis screeched. "What the actual fuck is this?!", Louis gasped sharply. I held back my laughter, eyeing the picture. It was Louis and I...on a bed...frickle frackling. "You have to admit...that's some serious talent.", I nudged him, but he didn't think it was so funny. He clicked the 'reply' button and my eyes widened. "Larry is bullshit. I'm happy, why can't you accept that?", Louis mumbled while typing furiously. My jaw dropped, tears prickling down my cheeks. "I hate people like this!", Louis growled, slamming his laptop shut. "I-I'm going to go check on dinner.", I trembled, walking towards the kitchen. "Fucking bullshit.", I heard Louis whisper, typing away now on his phone...probably texting Eleanor. I let out a muffled cry, my body shaking. I was trying so hard not to cry.

My eyesight was blurry, and I picked up the knife to cut the zucchini. I wiped my eyes, placing both hands on the cutting board, holding the zucchini in place. I cut the knife down, yelping in pain, pulling my hand back. I tried to blink through my tears as I spotted a thin trail of blood oozing from my thumb. "F-fuck.", I stuttered, still shaking. "Hazza? Are you okay?!", Louis ran in and I held my thumb, not turning to him. "Fine.", I squeaked and I felt his small hands on my shoulders. "Did you cut yourself?", Louis set his phone down on the counter, and I saw Eleanor's name before the screen turned black. "Please..leave me alone.", I choked and Louis gasped. "What's wrong?! Are you crying?", Louis turned me around to face him and I pushed him away forcefully. "I told you to leave me alone! Fix your own fucking dinner!", I screamed, running to the bathroom. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I hate myself. Why couldn't I just be a girl so I could let Louis know what was wrong and he would wrap me up in his strong arms and I would kiss his thin lips...I could've been a dancer. Louis likes people who dance. I could've been a graceful, ballerina. Louis would come to my shows and I would go to all of his concerts. We would date. He would love me....if I were a girl. But, I'm a male. I'm not a dancer...I'm Harry Styles. A boy. Louis' best mate. He doesn't love me. He loves Eleanor. Why can't I be Eleanor? I'd be able to hold his hand and kiss his lips everyday. I frowned, looking at the bathtub. A nice, warm, bath sounds good right now. I wish I was his favorite girl. I wish I was a girl. I wish my smile was his favorite kind of smile. I wish he wanted to know what I was about. I wish he'd hold my hand when I'm upset. But, I'm a boy. I wish he needed me. I wish that without me, his heart would break. I wish that without me, he couldn't eat. I want to be the last thing on his mind before he fell asleep. But, my dreams and hopes are crushed by this obsession of becoming a girl to please Louis..but I'm a boy. I stripped off my clothes..boy clothes. I turned on the tub. I've been treated so wrong by everyone. I'm gay. I don't need them. I don't need this.

I'm like a slowly dying flower. It kills me to see Louis kissing Eleanor, holding her hand, hugging her, loving her. I want that. I found Louis first, he's supposed to be mine. No one else's. But, that's not how this game works, eh? He's straight and I'm just bullshit. He's happy, why can't you accept that? Hell, why can't i fucking accept that. I jumped at hearing the water hit the bathroom floor and I turned the water off. I looked at myself in the mirror. All of these worthless tattoos...trying to match Louis'. I can't change.,maybe I could. My eyes were not the color of Eleanor's. I didn't have breasts. I'm a male. I sat down in the tub, the hot tension around me..not soothing me..but seeming to build me up. "Harry.. I'm sorry.", I jumped at hearing a knock on the door, water spilling from the sides. I sighed, closing my eyes. Shut up, Louis..you don't care about me. His knocking was interrupting my thoughts and I slid down under the water. It's quiet..and nice down here. Maybe I'll stay here forever. It's nice. I didn't dare open my eyes, just enjoyed the nice water surrounding me. I wanted to smile, but I was to relaxed. But, I needed air. I had to go up....................I paused. I don't need air. I don't need to fix up. So, I didn't. I stayed. I seemed to begin a coughing fit but it didn't hurt much. Really, it was only my lungs. But, my head cleared for a moment. Louis was there, with those big, blue eyes. It's starting to hurt. But, I felt cold now. I wasn't warm. I felt like I was floating. I could've been a dancer....