Take Me

Two

The dinner was awkwardly silent. I didn't know which is better, though. Is it the constant bickering over petty things or the awful silence that envelops us all? All I know right now is that nobody wanted to talk. They're just throwing glances at each other.

I was about to eat my last fork of meat when Dad spoke, "Ori, you're graduating this year, right?" I nod and continued to chew my food.

"Do you have any plans after college? Like PhilSat or Nmat?" I gave him a blank look. I know how dreadfully disappointed he is with Zander's academic standing, but it's not like he could disown his first born son. It was his fault and his wife's for spoiling him too much. Now, he's a sucker at spending everything that is given to him.

"Di pa po pumapasok sa isip ko," was all I could reply. Wala rin naman kasi pa akong plano. Right now, I just want to have a diploma and eventually carry on with my life. I know that look on his face. Afterall, his favorite son, Isaac, graduated with latin honors in his pre-med degree plus he was a top notcher in his PRC exam. He's just too much. I don't think I'll ever be like him. He actually wanted to study aeronotics. Being a pilot was his dream, but like any other good child, he couldn't turn down father's expectations and eventually succumbed to his wishes even if it means sacrificing his own dream. He took medicine and now is in his 2nd year. I kind of envy, Ysac, though. He has studies as an excuse to almost not go home. I miss him.

Dad didn't ask for more. He knows I'm not like Isaac afterall.

"Nak, I talked to my amiga nga pala," My step mom started, I gave her a smile just to appear not rude.. but I really wanted to stand up from my chair. The way she said 'nak' sent shiver down my spine.

Hindi mo ako anak, 'wag kang feeling.

"She wanted to set her son on a blind date, tapos naisip kita-" I stood up. Di ko na siya pinatapos sa sasabihin niya.

I heard Ysac's mom mention something and Dad calling me but I ignored it all and continued to walk to my room.

Agad akong naligo. I was rummaging my closet for a dress to kill. I am now considering Gio's invitation. I didn't want to go but things went 360 degrees. I feel bummed, honestly. I think a drink would be good right now.

I settled for a black backless dress that hugs my figure then I matched it with my new block heels. I applied light make up and curled the tips of my hair. When I felt satisfied with my look, I grabbed my key fob along with my other things as I stuff them all in my Channel purse. Hindi naman halata na atat akong umalis ng bahay.

"Going out?" Muntik na akong mapatalon sa gulat. Nakasandal si Ysac sa tabi ng pintuan ko. "K-kuya," He smiled at me. It was a tired smile, though. He looks paler than he usually is, dark circles are imminent under his eyes. He looked like he lost weight.

"Kailan ka lang dumating? Di ka umabot sa dinner." He dropped his hand on my shoulder at sinabayan ako sa paglalakad ko pababa. My heart is pounding. Gusto ko siyang yakapin, but I think it would be awkward.

"Just now. Sinadya ko, I just don't have the energy to be at dinner. You know how dinner works in this family." He was right. Kahit noon pa. Dad would always ask his whereabouts and the things that he has planned. Kahit sobrang random na. That's why we all know dad really likes him.

"Matulog ka nalang muna kuya. Tsaka ka bumalik sa hospital." He looked at me as if he wanted to pet my head. But he knows he can't do that. Aside sa hindi na kami bata, I spent time para mag-ayos ng buhok.

"Pag drive na kita," He offered.

"No need, you look exhausted. Go, take a rest." I insisted kaya sinamaan niya nalang ako ng tingin.

"Okay but before that-" he paused for a moment and stared at me intently. Para akong malulunod sa mga tingin niya. Ayoko na ng ganito. I always feel these damn butterflies everytime Ysac does something surprising. Napakaabnormal ko din kasi minsan. Syempre, kapatid ko siya. And yet, 'di ko parin mapigilan magisip ng iba sa mga actions nya. I know, I'm so messed up.

I was left unguarded as he pulled me closer. My face burried in his chest as I feel his warm embrace envelopes me. "Payakap muna, bunso. Pagod na pagod na kasi si kuya." I felt his tiredness. He is exhausted. I didn't entirely know what was making him tired. Is it the mental dilemma of meeting our family's expectation or the pang of unhappiness because he had to set aside his dreams, moreover, med is not easy. I wonder how he's coping up with everything. I know he was unhappy ever since before but I didn't actually see him this gloomy.