Fandoms on crack-

Statehumans 1

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San Diego: Cali bought a "all of my children have paws" mug in an effort to disown us in favor of her pets but she is blissfully unaware of the fact that two of her children are actually furries.
Newark: why do you know your brother is a furry
San Diego, about San Francisco: I made him a furry
Trenton: this is why she's disowning you

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Sacramento: What are you, five?
Los Angeles: Yeah, five heads taller than you.
Sacramento:
Los Angeles:
Sacramento:
Los Angeles: Please don't kill me-

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Roseville: when I said you should try being friendlier this isn't what I meant-
Citrus Heights, stirring a cup of coffee passive aggressively: oh so now I'm being TOO friendly? shakes his head there's no pleasing you
Burglar who broke into their house an hour ago: two tablespoons of creamer please
Citrus Heights, giving the burglar a friendly kiss on the cheek: coming right up

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Montpelier: We need to talk about your professionalism
Austin, sitting crosslegged on a table: those are some mighty brave words for someone standing in lava
Sacramento, handstanding on a desk: dAmn that was a close call and babe can you get my glasses?
Austin: it's too late they're in the lava
Sacramento: Montpelier get me new glasses
Montpelier: what the fuck

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Phoenix, unbuttoning a shirt: god it's so hot in here
Montpelier because I have no ideas: I know that but why are you unbuttoning my shirt

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Fair Oaks, hanging upside-down on the ceiling: Orangevale, what time is it?
Orangevale, also hanging upside-down on the ceiling: dunno, hand me that kazoo
orangevale plays kazoo off-key
CRASH!
Sacramento: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE KAZOO AT 2 IN THE FUCKING MORNING?!
Orangevale: it's 2 AM

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Folsom: Hey, do you think I could fit fifteen marshmallows in my mouth?
Montgomery: You are a hazard to society
San José, without missing a beat: And a coward. Do twenty.

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Canada: They call me a snacc because I'm covered in maple syrup and they can't catch me

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San José, high: I name thee, DragonMaster69
Nurse: Sir? This is your newborn child-
San José: I said what I said.

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Pirate: Yar har har I'm a pirate, swab the deck so you can pay for your student tuition
Providence: There is no way your janky ass pirate paycheque can help me pay my student tuitions
Pirate, without missing a beat: Yo ho ho! 22 dollars an hour plus a tuition assistance programme

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San José: Flaming swords are often depicted as being a better weapon than a normal sword, but it would actually just cauterize the wound, making it less lethal

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Phoenix: You can make the same exact dish your mom makes for dinner and follow the same exact instructions and for some fucking reason mom's food is better

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Folsom: The voice in your head is the real you. Every other version of you displayed is a facade the real you made up to deal with others

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Austin: if in the movie "Cars", the characters are to be seen as real characters, the crash scenes are pretty brutal for kids to see