My Awakening

I used to be a writer.
But words became meaningless sounds that were abused.
Abused by me;
I didn't deserve to talk,
To waste the oxygen we have so little of.
So I lost all feeling for them.
I lost all feeling for the words that once pieced together my heart...

Two years go by,
No change.
My heart only beats to keep me breathing.
Living became surviving,
And emotions became obsolete.
I refused to feel them,
Because all emotion did was bring back words I've tried so hard to forget.
My world became dark and grey,
My eyes refused any color that wasn't black.
I didn't want to wear bright colors,
I couldn't, why be bright in a world so dark?
All diminished in the abyss of the black hole I call my mind.
My writing became a thing of the past,
It was an art in which I could no longer connect.
I wasn't worthy of the pages of Edgar Allen Poe,
I didn't give a care towards the melodic nature of Tiny Dancer,
I refused to dig beyond the outer layer of the dead poet society.
Everything I had once treasured?
Gone.
I had nothing to keep me going.
Walls were closing in on me and my time was running short,
Even if I didn't know that til after.
Sticking around was eating me alive,
I thought I was the destroyer of everything I touch.
I had a three month expiration date on everything that was good.
I've waited fearfully my entire life for the end of three months;
In my world, happiness has its limitations.
It was a gift I used selfishly.
Happiness was found with my best friends,
And even then I wondered when they would ask for a refund,
Like I was some cheap knockoff.
Like there wasn't enough happiness for me.
But, there was an awakening...

So many years of picking someone random.
So many years of not caring.
So many years trudging through emotionless relationships.
They seemed to accumulate like bees to a hive;
It all swarmed my head.
But they were somewhat of a guiding force,
And as each chapter in my life began to close;
I grew increasingly more hopeless.
But things happen and life is constantly changing....

Day one, he walked in.
Drawn like a moth to a flame I had to get to know him.
A new door was beginning to open,
And I knew.
I knew he was different.
He was a silent beauty,
Moved without being seen,
Flew under the radar.
But his smile lit up an entire room,
And his laugh could cure anyone's depression.
But nobody would know that unless they cared to look,
The key was not to scratch the surface,
It was attention.
In the age of teens blinded by technology;
All we had to do was pay him attention.
He wore his heart on his sleeve,
But I didn't know because it was covered by a multitude of layers.
Layer of protection,
Layers to hide,
Layers to conceal his pain.
But nobody saw him, because they didn't care to look.
His heart was barely breathing,
His head full of demons.
We were both on life support.
Without our monitors we would cease to exist.
I thank them all,
The monitors that got me through to him...

I've always been told there was a light at the end of a tunnel.
But after awhile trying to find the light becomes exhausting.
I didn't want to walk anymore,
I was done.
But then I saw him.
I walked in dark for so long,
Believing I was unlovable,
That I didn't deserve all I had.
He restored my faith In love.
He took my heart and held it in his hands,
And He became my better half.
He was the only person I could count on.
He keeps my together.
He changed my views on falling in love,
He's given my everything I've always wanted.
I don't have an expiration date,
Cause he isn't going to leave....

I don't know how I found him,
But I am aware of how lucky I am.
I fell In love,
Scared, and hesitant.
But he loves me like no one has ever loved me before.
I have a home, in his heart
And he has a home in mine.
Both of our flaws are cherished,
And giving up is never an option...

We are held together by tape and glue,
Both broken,
Both scarred.
But when I'm with him,
Everything clicks Into place and I feel whole again.
He's quiet,
But the song of silence he dances to say more than words ever could.
Our line of communication is endless,
Because I have him memorized from head to toe.
He sees me for everything I am and everything I want to be,
He is the reason my alarm still wakes me up every morning,
And why giving up is not an option.
All my insecurities painted as a masterful work of art to him,
Every inch of me accepted and safe in his arms...

I long for him,
This is love,
This is my love,
And being without him is equal to being stuck in that dark tunnel.
Totally blind to the feelings inside.
He's been there and refuses to leave my side.
Holes in walls, shattered wrists, panic attacks
We've been through it all.
I thank my lucky stars that someone like him fell into my lap,
Someone who wipes my tears,
Someone who'll cuddle me endlessly,
Someone who makes this all worth it.
Because I've been woken up from the nightmare I was living,
I can feel,
I can hear,
And I can see.
Those broken pieces of me have been put back together,
And because of him,
For the first time in a long time,
I have been awakened,
And I'm enjoying every minute of it.