Yes he makes me sad, depressed, and suicidal but you know what he does that you don't even give two shits to do? He cares for me, he listens to me, he tries to understand me and if I start talking about something he doesn't get, he will ask questions until he does understand and with that information, he will help me. Take a look back and when I told him I'd teach him how to help me with my anxiety attacks, he fully stepped up to the plate and payed attention to everything I taught him. And when I tell him I had a different kind of anxiety attack today, he doesn't say okay and move on, he asks me how he can recognize it and what to do to help me. And if I say I don't even know, he will ask questions to get to the bottom of it. The ones after a football game when I was asked to do too much, he would take me out of the band room because it was too loud and sit with me and let me cry and not leave me alone, those were times when he was there for me. Or what about the ones in band class, specifically during marching season, when all of a sudden the world is closing in and I can't breath. He tells me to sit down, I say I need to play, he says he'll cover my part, I start shaking, he takes my mallets from my hands gently and I fall to ground not able to breath normally. He takes care of my drum after class and is then the only one who stays with me until I can walk again. He did, not anyone else, and that is why I'm absolutely terrified to live in a world without him.
