Woman On Top

Chapter 9

You took the next few days off work regardless. You were heartbroken and you didn't trust yourself to not breakdown into tears in the middle of a meeting or a conference call. On top of being a woman crying at work... what would you say to the people who asked "what's wrong?" You couldn't confess to be going through a breakup when you weren't in fact together in the first place. All you wanted to do was to climb under the covers, watch sappy movies and eat ice cream like the cliché that you were. So, you did, and you gave yourself those short vacation days to wallow in self pity until you had to pull yourself together for Monday.

Weeks went by. You never heard from Jungkook, and you never called. Jungkook and Jiyi's respective agencies denied their relationship, but you knew better – you had seen enough in Hong Kong to know that something was happening between them.

You replayed that last time in the hotel room over and over again, nitpicking all of the things you did wrong that led you here. In fact, you played over and over most of the time you two had spent together.

"That's always how things go between you and me. You set the terms, and I follow like a good little soldier. You tell me when the timing is right, and I come running," Jungkook had said back in the hotel. The more you thought about it, the more it seemed true, the more you understood why he didn't want you anymore and the more you beat yourself up about it. You had taken advantage of his complacency. You had set strict boundaries to protect yourself but never realized that you were hurting not only him but yourself in doing so. And now, he didn't come running when you called.

Just shy of two months since Hong Kong, you found yourself at a small wrap party for the drama. It was in a chic restaurant and bar downtown. You had slipped yourself into a sexy dress for the occasion. Jungkook was expected to be there, and no matter what he felt about you now, you could at least look good. Especially after last week.

Last week, after a night out with friends, you returned to your home alone. In the coldness of your house, you were lonely, and you missed him. Liquid courage behind you, you broke and finally called him. He didn't answer, but you left something that resembled a botched voice mail that he may or may have not understood through the slurring of your words.

"Please. We need to talk," was the most you remembered saying to him. You shuddered the next morning when somewhere through the hangover you remembered you had done so.

Since you were so embarrassed, you spent an obscene amount of time trying to decide what to look like when you finally saw him. Was too sexy going to come off as too desperate? Was not sexy enough going to imply you were a mess not worth wasting time on? The truth was you were both – desperate and a mess – so, you decided to go with the option that at least made you look good.

Under any other circumstance, the wrap party would have been a blast and you were having a good time for the most part – the parts where Jungkook wasn't in your periphery – especially the parts where Jiyi wasn't beside him. You weren't sure what to do. You wanted to approach him, corner him and say all the things you wanted to say – but you didn't. He was likely in a new relationship, so it didn't feel right. He was avoiding you, so you respected his space and avoided him as much as possible.

The drinks continued to flow and soon enough the karaoke machine was out in full force. Jungkook got up to sing a song. It was beautiful, sweet and sexy. All the things you loved about him. You let yourself imagine for a moment that he was singing for you – but the harsh reality was that he wasn't. You could see over the crowd Jiyi smiling adoringly up at him. Your chest tightened and you blinked rapidly trying not to fall to pieces. You probably should have stopped drinking a few pints ago, but instead you decided to turn to the bar to drown your broken heart.