Friend is a Four Letter Word

Shayna

SHAYNA

I'm halfway back to Quinn's apartment when my cellphone rings. I wholly expect it to be Carter and I answer rather than risk having to have it out with him in front of Quinn and Ben.

"What is it?" I blurt out.

"Shayna?" the voice says back. It's familiar but it takes me a minute to process who it is. "Bad time?"

"Nolan?"

"How are you?" He the same as always: polite, upbeat, and friendly. I still feel a ton of guilt and shame for walking out on Nolan the way I did. Our months together may have been a sham for me, but I don't really know what they were for him.

It occurs to me that I claimed I liked him as friend, but never treated him like one. I never opened up to him, and I never took the slightest interest in his life.

"I'm—I'm well." My answer is cautious, because I'm unsure just how much my parents may have told him after I bailed.

"That's good to hear. Listen, I know this sounds crazy, but I'm in town. It's a long story but I'd love to take you to dinner if I can." The friendliness in his voice is tinged with the slightest hint of crazed desperation.

"Wait. What? You're in what town? Nolan I'm in California," I explain, half relieved I can dodge the awkward ex bullet for totally unavoidable reasons

He clears his throat and speaks slowly, like he's making a case for himself. "I know that. I had to make a trip to interview for a position in London. The corporate office is in Los Angeles. When your parents heard I was making a last minute trip out, they told me that you were already on this end. Are you touring schools?"

He's asking to be polite. Now I'm sure of it. He knows all of the gory details. I'm positive that my parents had a prayer circle to try to heal me and my sins the day after I skipped town. I slow my steps, to concentrate better.

"No, not exactly. I'm just visiting with friends. Dinner, huh? That'd be really nice, but I've got plans tonight, Nolan, I'm so sorry." There's no way in the world I could skip out on dinner at Quinn's no matter how awkward it's going to be. Not after Carter and I left her and Ben hanging last time. She'd never let me live it down. I glance over my shoulder, wondering how far Carter is behind me now, or if he's even coming back. He may just keep the wine and go back to his place.

I mentally scold myself for the thought. Real supportive, Shayna. Not that he deserves my support right now. He's determined to be alone, fine.

"That's no problem." There's some background noise that takes his attention away for a second, while I search my mind for an acceptable way to turn him down. "I'm here for a couple of days. You free tomorrow?"

"Um..." I weigh my options. If I go to dinner with Nolan and convince him that I really am doing amazing, he'll report the good news back to my parents and maybe that'll lessen their heartache a little. That means more to me than I can process, so the decision winds up being an easy one. Except lunch seems less committal than dinner. "How about lunch? If that's alright, I can absolutely do tomorrow. That sounds great."

"Okay, perfect. Let me see where I can get us a reservation and I'll text you the details," he says with the kind of in-charge efficiency that makes me doubt if he's the same guy who struggled to eat spaghetti a few weeks ago.

"Oh, Nolan, don't bother with reservations," I rush to say. The last thing I need is a romantic, candlelit meal with the two of us dressed up and totally uncomfortable in every way. "Casual is great. In fact, I've got a little place in mind if that's okay?"

"That'll work, Shay." he says. "And one more thing before I hang up." I press the phone close to my ear, wondering if I lost him when I don't hear his voice for a few seconds. When it comes through, I can tell he's embarrassed. "I wanted to apologize for the last time that we saw each other. I know that things ended a little awkwardly and that wasn't my intent at all, Shayna. I care about you a lot."

"I know that, Nolan. And I... I'm so sorry, too. I'm really glad we're going to see each other. I'd hate that last time to be it for us," I say. And I mean it. "Thanks for calling. I'm really looking forward to tomorrow."

Dinner at Quinn's isn't nearly as insufferable as I expected. The food is delicious. Quinn outdid herself with the short ribs and pasta. She tells witty anecdotes, talks culinary school and new recipes and keeps everyone entertained.

Until about halfway through the meal, Carter excuses himself.

"I forgot to do something at the office," he mumbles, picking up his plate to bring it to the kitchen.

"And you can't finish it tomorrow?" Quinn asks with all the authority of a family matriarch.

Carter shakes his head. "Nope, it's got to be tonight."

Quinn looks at me and then back at her brother. "You can't even wait until you finish dinner?"

"Quinn, I said I had to leave," Carter snaps. He tosses his napkin onto the table then looks at me. "The apartment is unlocked, if you're coming back."

I stare back at him, trying to read in his eyes if he even wants me to. What a shit day it's been. For a moment I think I can just slide into bed, wearing nothing but Carter's soft sheets and wait for him to come back from work and everything will be okay. But that's the old Shayna. The new Shayna didn't deserve to be lied to and didn't deserve the way he talked to me at the liquor store.

"Stay here tonight, Shay," Quinn says, clutching at my arm. It's not like her to be touchy, so I know it's for my benefit. "Ben is probably going to sneak out to the lab after dessert anyway, right?"

She looks at her boyfriend who already looks guilty. He raises a single brow and says, "Maybe."

"See there. I was going to be abandoned. Please stay," Quinn says.

I glance back at Carter. He looks tired and sad and I start to wonder if he's really going back to the office, or if he's going to a meeting—or the opposite. And it's not even my place to worry. He isn't mine. "You go ahead, Carter. I'll crash here."

He gives me a sharp nod, then turns away.

"Carter!" I call after him.

He turns around quickly with the slightest bit of hope in his eyes. "I hope everything works out. With work, I mean."

"Enjoy dessert," he says. His eyes go dark and full of disappointment.