Dear Jack

Letter 2 Pee and Poo

Dear Jack,

How are you? Your dad tells me you are keeping them both awake at night, which is a really good start, keep it up!

As I said in my last letter, we need to talk about parent training, and there is no time like the present.

Like all new parents, they are banging on about discipline, setting standards, and all that nonsense. They are suffering from the illusion that they are in control, and for our purposes, it is better to let them live with that illusion, at least for the present.

Training takes time, so let's go slowly, and crawl before we can toddle, so to speak.

Now, before we can get them in the right frame of mind, we need to wear them down a little, tiredness will really help, so keep up the good work.

We must talk nappies, and the use of; not many parents like changing nappies, understandably, so this is an area where we can get a quick win without too much effort.

Try not to pee, and poo, in the same nappy whenever possible, if you can make twice the work, you have twice the opportunity to impose your will. Let me explain. When you pee, keep a little back; bawl loudly, they will eventually figure out that your nappy requires changing. Allow them to remove your wet nappy, clean you up, and make you comfortable, then, when they bend over to kiss your little tummy, Whammo!!, let them have the reserve! It will be a shock at first, but they will soon learn. Once they have recovered, put on your clean nappy, and dressed you; now is the time to poo! Another bawling session, and they will have to repeat the whole process.

So, what have we achieved? Well, we have caused them twice the work, and twice the cost, and we have had twice the attention. Not a bad start, hey?

Next time we need to talk about vomit projectile, but, enough for now, I think. I will chip away from my side, by continually telling them I am not one to give advice.

Must go now, Jack, I'm drying my teeth in the microwave.

Much love

Grandpa Owain

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