brains and thoughts

Voices.

Not to sound batshit crazy, but i'm not alone here, right?
Everyone has their voices, their whispers.
The things they say can vary, but most often it's...
"You're so selfish."
"Stop making a big deal out of it."
"You're so fucking dramatic."
they're just clear pessimists.
Maybe I am crazy.
Maybe it's some shit inflicted by some dumb ass trauma.

When I was a small child, whenever i'd cry, i'd always call for my mother.
Of course, eventually I stopped calling for her.
And after that, eventually I stopped crying.
I'm not strange for that, am I?
I know I still sound like a child that cries for their mother when I ask questions like that. I'm aware.
But I don't.
I haven't for a very long time.
Maybe it was just a phase I went through; maybe it's something else.
Something deeper.
Maybe it's the fact that I know she wouldn't come. Not then, not now.
Once, we were hiking up a hill. I almost fell off and into the rocks about nine times.
Once, my father finally noticed and said, "Oh, hey, you okay?"
To which I of course said, "Yeah of course."
(Because what am I if not a liar)
And i looked to my mother.
do you know what she said?
"I didn't ask, because when you ask a child they only cry louder."
That's fucked up, right?
Maybe that little whisper is right, maybe i'm overreacting.
Or maybe that whisper is years of people saying this things to me permanently manifested in my brain.

you know, how you hear your friends calling others "fake" and "dramatic"?
do you ever have the thought run through your brain, late at night, with dusk hours ago, that they say the same about you?
Of course, you can ask, but what the fuck does that do for you? They could lie, just like they lie to others when talking about the same issue.
It's a never ending cycle of disbelief, of whispers.

But what would we be without them?