Cassie Bernal was tall,blonde.
Very beautiful girl to say the least. That's what I saw.Every time when I pull out her prom photo from underneath my pillow. I feel better inside. I stare at her smile and trace her eyes with my fingertips, wanting to meet her, while I was wondering what I missed out on. I always feel like I'm with her.
That or she's with me. I mean just for once I wish I could meet my mom. I know she's dead. I know how she died. I never wanted anything else but a family. The only family I had was her. She died when I was a few months old. She went to school and got shot. I never knew her. I only knew of her.All I can say is she was my Guardian angel.
I grew up in a bitter cold orphanage.All the girls were mean to me. I was "different" I guess.I was always the black sheep of the orphanage.One by one girls would end up getting adopted by families. They would make fun of me for not being wanted. I would watch their beautiful moms and their handsome dads take them home with them. I would see something that I never had happen before my eyes. It hurt my self confidence it made me feel less of a person.While I on the other hand waited. I was getting older and older. I was watching the time fly by.
When I was 12 I found out how my mother actually died. A documentary was on tv. All the kids were outside while I was sitting inside. Fascinated withthe documentray I was watching. They showed a picture of one of the victims. It was my mom. I looked at the picture on tv. Then I looked into my locket. Her face was the same face I saw. They said she died when Eric Harris bent down and shot her in the face. My thoughts of my mom dying peacefully changed. She died savagely and just for going to school. On that day I realized that I was obsessed with her.
I never wanted anything more then her. Just seeing how gruesome her death was made my blood boil. How could he kill my mom!. I thought in frustration. Ever sense I've always tried to figure out ways where I could stop it from happening. It was a childish dream of mine that I knew was impossible. I then stayed at the orphanage, waiting for someone to want me. Waiting for a home. Waiting for a family to love me.I just never got that. I did a lot of excessive research on Eric and Dylan. They were my other obsession. I hate that I could relate to them so much. They killed my mom and this was the life I was left with.
When I was 14 years old, my best friend Samantha and I were inseparable. That was til a family chose her to take home. I was heart broken. I grew up with someone that made it feel much better. Samantha always knew what to say. She was kind,funny, brilliant. I never saw that in my self but she is the only person who made me feel that I was someone. I remember the day she left. it changed me so horrifically. I'm still recovering from that.
"Sam what's wrong?" I asked walking over to her. She was laying in bed. She was coughing and didn't look so well. "Nothing,I'm fine" she gave me a tired smile. It was the season to get sick so I wasn't to worried about that. "Amber I'm leaving here tonight" she said. Those words replayed in my head a million times til my head was spinning. "You can't leave!, your all I have!" I said tearing up. I couldn't believe it. She was going into a new family. I was so jealous and full of it at the time. She gave me a look of sympathy. "Don't leave! Amber!" She screams. "I hate you!" I screamed squeezing my fists. I look at her tears falling from her eyes.
I was running up stairs to the bathroom. I took a moment in their. I was sobbing I couldn't stop. I didn't want her to leave me. I though more about it. I fell asleep in the bathroom. I woke up to realize I was still there. I got the courage to get up and to see sam for the one last time. "
"Hey Sam?" I say seeing her laying in bed."I'm going to miss you so much. Please don't leave" I scream with tears running down my face. She was still and quite. "Don't ignore me!,Answer me!" I stomped my foot on the old wooden floor. Making the room shake. She still wasn't moving or saying anything. "Sam I'm jealous of you having someone to love. You couldn't understand what I was feeling!" I screamed and choked.
I grew suspicious. Was she okay?.I walked up to her staring at her head. Something wasn't right about this picture. "Sam?" I ask shaking her shoulder. Her head tilted up to face mine. Her face was white, mouth full of blood, spewing out on the covers. She was dead.
I am 18 years old. Still in that old cold orphanage that I grew to hate. Everyone I ever loved has died. I wanted justice. I just didn't know where to find it. Today was my last day there. Overall I was never going into a family.it. Is The place I only know. now it is a sign of hurt and loss. I sighed packing up my things. I started to pack my clothes into my suit case. I was rushing to get out of their. Then I heard a drop. I looked behind me I dropped a book?. I turned it over it read "Cassie's dairy". I froze. I've never seen my mothers dairy before was it always here?. It couldn't have been I mean. I would've known. I open the book to see one of her pages. I was reading some of it. Then the rests was history.
I woke up, cold and wet. I put my fingers up to my noise. I was bleeding from my noise. I sat up in bed. This wasn't my bed it was to nice to be at the orphanage. I looked around me. The walls were purple. The bed was big and soft. Band posters were all over the room. I sat up holding my head in pain. I walked over to the window. I opened the blinds. It was sunny outside but it was December. I felt confused and uncomfortable.
