Love's Last Gift (on hold)

Chapter 5

Heyes  studied his reflection in the trough of water the horses were drinking from.   He didn't like what he saw.   Even with four weeks of hair growth now covering his head,  he still looked strange to his own eyes.  He looked thin and his eyes looked dull.   But that wasn't what really bothered him.   It was the darkness that he saw reflected back at him that he wished he could change.   Something had died inside of him the night Evie had begged him to leave.  And he seemed to die a little more with each passing day.  Every time he read another newspaper article about the latest happenings at the governor's mansion or the latest sighting of the newlyweds in town,  he was forced to envision her on the arm of another man.    Even if she didn't love Clay Ramsey,  those visions killed a little bit of his soul.  

His entire life now seemed surreal.   He had to remind himself daily that he was a free man.  He could walk up to complete strangers and introduce himself as Hannibal Heyes without fear of going to jail.   If he wanted, he could buy a piece of land and call it his own and not have to worry about leaving it behind to go on the lamb to escape a posse.  It's what he had wanted for a long time.     And now that he had it,  he didn't give a damn.   What good was freedom without happiness or joy?    And without Evie in his life, he had neither.  "If you love me, you'll go."    That's what she had told him.   Those words echoed over and over in his head.  If she loved him she wouldn't have traded away the only thing that would have made being a free man worthwhile...herself.     The dark thing inside of him wanted to punch something.   It wanted to pick a fight for no reason just so it could lash out and release some of the anger that festered inside.   How could she have done this?    He should have taken her up on her offer to send messages through Martha.   At least then maybe he would have gotten the whole story.   And he knew there was a lot more to the story.  But he had been so hurt and so angry that night that he knew it was best just to leave town, because he could feel the sinking blackness of despair urging him to do things he hadn't thought about doing but one other time in his life.....when Harlan Mathis had taken Evie.  He had rousted Kid before dawn and they had checked out of the hotel and headed for Laramie.   Kid had protested, but when he told Kid he was leaving with or without him,  his partner had followed.

Odin lifted his wet nose at that moment and nudged Heyes' shoulder.  He stroked the big animals jaw.  "Thanks anyway, old friend, but I didn't need a drink,"    Heyes told Odin as he swiped away the beads of water that were left behind on his shirt.    Rusty raised his proud head and tossed his nose,  sending more water droplets in Heyes' direction.  "And I don't need a bath either,"   he told the other stallion that he had once given to Evie as a gift.

He closed his eyes, remembering that day.   The day he had given her the gift of a horse and she had given him the gift of her innocence.    There was an emptiness inside of him that he knew would never be filled.   She was the only one who could fill it and now she was another man's wife.   She had said she didn't love the other man.   And he knew that she had only married him as part of some deal to gain their freedom.   But that didn't make it hurt any less that she was now Mrs.  Clayton Ramsey III and not Mrs. Hannibal Heyes.   Fate had certainly dealt him a crap hand this time.   Just like it always had.   He felt inside his vest pocket.    He pulled out the piece of paper that was now growing worn in the creases from being folded and carried in his pocket.   It never left his side.   He unfolded it once again as he had done countless times over the past month and reread again her words,  "No matter where you go or what you do, always remember that I am a part of you and you are a part of me.  Nothing...not time, distance or circumstance will ever change that.   I love you, now and always."    Heyes wanted to believe it.   He felt it in his heart that it was true.   But the darkness inside wanted to shout,  "Lies!"   His hands clenched into fists of rage, crumpling the fragile paper.   Then his real self, seeing the damage, began to smooth the crumpled edges.   He gently folded it back as it had been and returned it to his pocket where it rested with the lock of hair he also never parted with.   "Why, Evie, why?"   he thought for the hundredth time.