Economy of Love

Comedy of Terrors

(Smile, though your heart is aching

Smile, even though it's breaking

When there are clouds in the sky
you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through
for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you'll just
Smile) 

Being bi or gay in an Asian family is sort of like being an actor in an Asian family. When you grow into adulthood, 17 and older, your family will begin asking about your life, wanting to know everything about how you're planning your future because sooner or later they expect "fruits of your labor". And money. Money is important, paying the family back for the generosity they gave you your entire life. They want to know your relationships, your friends, and when they can meet them.

There's also a similar "coming out" process where you have to literally sit them down and prepare them for the news because "you've been coming home at midnight the past week what could you possibly be doing at college?" At first, when you tell them, they laugh because they think you're telling a joke and Asians don't have a humor radar. We think sarcasm is the funniest thing in the world and it offends the hell out of millennials which makes us laugh harder. 

But you show them evidence; pictures of what you've been doing, emails, texts, etc., and they grow deadly serious. They don't ask questions, they don't yell, they just look at you with the fury of the last 10 generations of ancestors. Because you've dishonored them. Because how will that make and provide for a family in a healthy way? How will you survive in this world? Are you going to become a prostitute for money now? And maybe you shouldn't have listened to so much Katy Perry and Beyonce when you were younger. (Though let me say, I never did. Because I'm vanilla. I don't even know how they know who those people are.)

When you show them your ways, and they meet your friends, they try their best to be supportive they really do. It's not their fault they were raised to be a close knit nuclear family who are all some kind of nurse or scientist and makes a crap load of money. You love them for it, and you know they just want the best for you. (Because hell I don't know about you but I like money and acting is a risky business.) They want you to have a fallback plan. They want you to be ready for failure and be able to turn to something else when you need to and that's sensible. And you know there's no "implicit bias" and they aren't oppressing you, they don't hate you. But it can still sting to know your family doesn't believe in you. (Anyway screw family am I right?)