Ok so today wasnt that great
Actualy it SUCKED
So ive decided im not going to physicaly talk unless i have too
I mean its not like me talking makes anything better
Im always getting yelled at because of it
I get called names because of it like anoying
And being called anoying is one of the worst things ever to me
It makes me feel worthless
Like URG
Like im so anoying i shouldnt be alive
But to be honest i dont want to be alive to begin with
I constently get yelled at
I constently want to relaps
And ive been good
Havent relapesed in months
As if i dont have enough scars
Then people say stuff like that im anoying or joke and say that im stupid
They dont understand how bad that hurts me
How hard it is for me to not cry right them and there
And i HATE crying
Then i have this one teacher and i love her to death
But she always says stuff like "kill me now" "i hate my life" stuff like that
I dont think she actualy knows what it feels like to want to die
To actualy hate your life
TO HATE YOURSELF
I want to cry everytime i have that teacher
Which is everyday
And while were on the topic of being at school
I HATE IT
You look one way you see happy couples
Or just happy people
Why cant i be like them?
Why cant someone love me like that?
If i cant find somthing or someone that makes me happy then i have nothing
NOTHING
Theres only 3 reasons im still alive
1.) I dont want to cause my friends/family anymore pain then i already have
2.) I want to become a childrens doctor so i can make a difference
And 3.) I WANT TO FIND LOVE
But at this point i care just not as much
I still want to make a difference but by being here im causing everyone pain still and
IVE GUVEN UP ON LOVE
